The following letter to the editor has been submitted to the Wall Street Journal

On Sept. 3, for a brief moment we thought it was refreshing to see a Mustached American not in a mug shot, but on the front of the Wall Street Journal. We were quickly reminded, however, that discrimination against our people knows no geographic boundaries, and that Mustached Americans remain an easy target for those looking to lay blame for crimes, poor fashion choices, or in this case, inciting a war.

The Journal's story, "From Russia With Love: Kremlin Calls Mr. White a U.S. Agent," appears to indicate that American Michael Lee White is neither a CIA operative, nor did he provoke Georgia's recent war with Russian forces.

Mr. White simply seems to have left his passport in the wrong place at the wrong time, providing the Kremlin with an easy target already looked upon with scorn.

This is why groups like the American Mustache Institute must fight for the civil liberties of our people and create vehicles for recognition like the "Robert Goulet Mustached American of the Year" award.

One day, we hope that we can live in a world where all men are, in fact, treated equally. But until that time comes, we will continue to battle the negative stereotyping that has accompanied the Mustached American since our cultural heyday in the 1970s.

Abraham Froman

Chief Executive Officer, The American Mustache Institute

A reminder back to a previous posting. The AMI is a big supporter of music - local, national, live, studio, Mexican, rap, rock, Irish, blind musicians, dead ones, and others. And Virginia Commonwealth University, one of the finest universities in the U.S. providing nuclear mustacheology degrees, is planning a music festival to honor its 40th anniversary. The school has decided to use a popular vote to determine  which music acts will play, and with 225 bands in the running

The competition remains stiff, and a friend of AMI - Kurt Stemhagen's  band "Rockfish Willie" - is in the thick of things thanks to you.  And while Kurt is not a mustached American, as he suffers from Bare Upper Lip Disorder (BULD), he is an avid supporter of the lip sweater. So got vote!

The contest ends Sept. 5, and we ask that you, the 17.2 readers of the AMI blog, vote for Rockfish Willie here. To hear Rockfish's fashionable stylings, you can listen to clips of some of the band's  original music here.

Carry on.

So we all meet a few people in our lives who we really connect with and always remain in contact. Solid people you can trust, who have good hair, who you hang with when you can throughout your life. Such is the case with my friend Josh Frey and me.

I met Josh in junior high school. We became friends on our first day, as we were each new to a correctional school for stupid kids. He blended in pretty well, I did not. He made friends, people laughed at me and I was the kid who's parents didn't want their kids fraternizing with. And despite that, and after leaving that school after two years (Josh stayed), we are still tight.

Now, although he lives in Washington, D.C. with his uber-hot wife Kathy, and I live in St. Louis with my delicious vixen and tribe near the world's largest mustache - The Arch - we still keep up.  Do we talk every day? No, we are mustached Americans, so maybe every few months. But we are tight in an unspoken way.

Josh reminded me of that unspoken closeness when he told me that he, along with uber-hotness, will be joining the throngs of people from around the U.S. who are coming to 'Stache Bash 2008. And in honor of this, Josh's company, OnSalePromos -- the official promotional stuff company of the Mustached American despite not being able to source fake mustaches -- is holding a mustache competition which you can vote upon here. And, you can also join OnSale's Facebook group here.

So go vote, buy stuff from OnSale, and come and meet my pal Josh and his uber-hot wife at 'Stache Bash 2008. Who knows? Maybe Josh Frey will become the first ever "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year" winner? It could happen.

AP 

Search on for "Mustached American of The Year"

Regular Joe, celebrity, athlete, fireman - field is wide open

Winner to be named at ‘Stache Bash 2008 benefit

 
Sept. 3, 2008 (St. Louis) - The American Mustache Institute (AMI) is looking for the first ever "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year," recognizing the most impactful Mustached American of the past year. The winner of the award will be announced Oct. 25 at ‘Stache Bash 2008, a benefit for Challenger Baseball, a baseball league for the disabled.

"The Goulet award allows us to honor a distinguished Mustached American," said Dr. Daniel T. Callahan, AMI research director. "The winner must both champion the mustache and stand apart from his or her fellow Americans - a soup straining school teacher; Jason Giambi of the Yankees for helping popularize the cookie duster in baseball again; a mustached fireman; or, if he were American, Daniel Day Lewis for being the first mustached ‘Best Actor' winner since Paul Newman in 1986."

To submit a candidate for "The Goulet" award:

• visit this page on the AMI site and submit a candidate. 
• Submissions will be accepted until Friday, Oct. 3. 
• Beginning Monday, Oct. 6, online voting will open for a group of finalists selected by AMI's certified mustacheologists.
• Voting will close Friday, Oct. 17.
• The winner will be named at ‘Stache Bash 2008 at the Lumiere Casino in St. Louis on Saturday, Oct. 25.  

Tickets for ‘Stache Bash 2008, can be purchased at www.americanmustacheinstitute.org.  For more information about the "Goulet Award" or ‘Stache Bash, call (877) STACHE-1, watch this video, or e-mail info@AmericanMustacheInstitute.org.

About AMI

The American Mustache Institute, the bravest organization in the history of mankind behind only the U.S. Military and the post-Jim Henson Muppets, is the world's only facial hair advocacy and research organization, with more than 600 chapters around globally. AMI battles negative stereotypes and  discrimination against the  "Mustached American" race.  Based in St. Louis due to the presence of the world's largest mustache - the Gateway Arch - the organization is committed to recapturing the mustache's glory years of the 1970s, when there existed a climate of acceptance, understanding, and flavor saving for Mustached Americans.  

About Challenger Baseball

Challenger Baseball is a baseball league for youngsters and adults with developmental disabilities. The fundamental goal of Challenger Baseball is to give every player the chance to play. To realize that goal, Challenger has two basic rules: every player bats each inning, and every player plays the field. The league does not count strikes, and does not count outs. Every player scores and every player wins. Challenger Baseball participants learn not only the fundamentals of baseball, but also experience teamwork, being cheered on by a crowd, and being encouraged by peers. All players are named all-stars  and all receive trophies.
 

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Yesterday in the mail I received an invitation to my cousin's wedding in Somewhere, Minnesota.  While the news that some beautiful woman was betrothed to my very nice cousin, it made me wonder how such a gambling-addicted, porn-obsessed, beer-drinking, chaw-chewing, mustache-less, chubby wunderkind landed such a lady.  Who am I to judge?  I was feeling almost excited at the prospect of going to a small town wedding shin-dig.  There might be single men there.  Single men who ice fish all winter, hunt all spring and fall, and play baseball and fish all summer (which may be the very reasons they are still single?), yes... but maybe there might be a groomsman who could pull off a nice fu manchu?

I bet my cousin will understand when I don't show up.  Especially if Captain Morgan is there.  I think they went to college together.

Will it be Jason Giambi, Jim James of My Morning Jacket, a brave fireman, or just a mustached community leader? Submit a worthy candidate now for the 1st ever "Robert Goulet Mustached American of the Year" award. Click here to learn about the contest and who is eligible, and to submit someone you deem worthy.   

Every weekend, I have a chance to sit back, read the newspaper, watch "A-Team" reruns and Charles Bronson flicks, and knock back a few dozen InBevweiser Lights. And when you do this, you find things that make make you smile, either because they are funny, stupid, or both. This holiday weekend, as I pondered the grand glory that is organized labor and the quality workmanship that it provides, I found these nuggets: 

• With pitcher Scott Kazmir's victory, the Tampa Bay Rays joined the 1968 Oakland A's as the only teams to have five pitchers 26 years old or younger with 20 starts and 10 wins in the same season. -- Is is just me, or has the over-statisticization of American sport gone too far? Seriously, who the hell cares? Think about it next time a SportsCenter anchor says something like, "This marked the first time that a second baseman had hit a home run during rainfall in a September night when the temperature was over 87 degrees since 1949."
• X-Files guy David Duchovny, who currently plays a sex-obsessed character on Showtime's "Californication", has entered a rehab facility for a sex addiction. -- So I'm guessing David has not been so faithful to wife and mid-level quality biscuit Tea Leoni, and this is his way of saving grace. Good for you David. Good for you. We should all be so wise as to claim "sex addiction" when we get busted cheating.
• Michael Jackson turned 50. -- OK, so the spookiest guy in America, who actually filed papers to become white at age 37, is now 50. Hard to imagine he's been improperly touching little boys for that long.
  
• Sean "Diddy" Combs complained about the "... too high" price of gas and pleaded for free oil from his "Saudi Arabia brothers and sisters" in a YouTube video posted Wednesday. -- Yes, well, Mr. Diddy, did you know that you too could cut back just a bit? You know, maybe not owning eight homes, 18 cars, three planes. You can do your part as well tiger!

And, the clear favorite:

• Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver and all-around-knucklehead Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco in Broward County, Fla. -- Nothing to add here. Nothing to add.
  

The 23.8 readers of the AMI blog understand our feelings on Dave Navarro. Whether is was our account of our initial interview with Navarro, or when we lambasted a poor, young scribe who wished to make her mark in journalism by writing a sweetheart of a story about Chump Bait - even though she knew he is pathetic.

We've been pretty clear.

And now comes this - a new video about Navarro and his pathetic goatee posted by a pretty solid sounding band called The Bugs.

So cheers to The Bugs, who we think are also responsible for this, and never forget what AMI always warns our friends via e-mail:

• That mustaches should be worn at the individual's own risk, and AMI is not responsible for mustaches that make men look like child molesters or Dave Navarro. 
• If your mustache causes you to have an erection for more than four hours, seek immediate attention from a doctor, spouse, girlfriend, or Dave Navarro.

 Carry on.

Shocking developments as America watches the dreadfully boring Democratic Convention this week in Denver.

Both those merry, eager-to-hug-one-another liberals in attendance at the convention – or those attempting to watch on the television without shooting themselves – sat with disbelief as former President Bill Clinton declared Barack Obama "ready to be president of the United States" on Wednesday.

“I was pretty certain President Clinton planned to support McCain or (Libertarian candidate)  Barr,” AMI Chairman Emeritus Jay Della Valle told his nuclear mustacheology class early today. “At least Barr is the first mustached American candidate since Tom Dewey in 1948. To me, that’s something worth voting for. I mean, Obama? What does he represent?”

After months of attacks from Hillary Clinton supporters on Obama’s lack of experience, President Clinton himself was among the most outspoken proponents of that line of criticism of Obama. But on Wednesday he reversed himself – something almost never seen in politics –  pointing out that Republicans had used the same line of attack against him when he first ran for president.

“That, yes, was a shocker for me,” said Edgar Portofino, a Bolivian exchange student in Della Valle’s 10:30 a.m. class. “In Bolivia, we no change positions. If someone need be shot – we shoot them. If need be caressed, then we caress and hold them. Very simple.”

Sen. Joe Biden unexpectedly hammered Republican presidential candidate John McCain as he accepted the Democratic nomination for vice president Wednesday, sending shock-waves throughout the crowd. Biden rattled off a list of McCain's positions on issues ranging from sitting, standing, to active and sleeping, repeatedly saying, "That's not change; that's more of the same."

Almost as unusual as being stabbed in the back by a co-worker. But that never happens.

With Obama scheduled to speak tonight, more unexpected developments should come.

Carry on.

Our friends at CNN.com have a story on the site penned by Rachel Zupek of CareerBuilder.com. It’s called “15 Jobs that Pay $70,000 per year,” and it’s a tale of jobs that don’t require a Ph.D. or at least 10 years experience, which to the Mustached American, would seem like low-hanging fruit.

The challenge, however, for the Mustached American, as AMI Research Director Dr. Daniel T. Callahan presciently notes in his bio on the AMI site, is that our kind are often not welcome.

After receiving his doctorate from the University of Wisconsin's Tonsorial Studies Department, Dr. Callahan worked in academia, but only as janitorial staff and a figure model at several colleges.

"These were the dark days to be a mustached American," he writes. "It was not unusual to see 'mustaches need not apply' signs at many employers."

Dark days indeed.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, while the average full-time worker's salary is  $33,634 in the United States, the average Mustached American salary is $29,980.07. The discrepancy is disheartening.

Zupek analyzed 15 jobs that earn near $70,000 and are expected to increase in demand between now and 2016. Each requires various levels of experience, facial hair, and education. We have earmarked six of these for thorough consideration to determine whether Mustached Americans can, in fact, earn in excess of $29,980.07.

• Nuclear power reactor operator ($70,410) – It has been clearly demonstrated that a mustache is nearly as powerful as nuclear fuel itself. Therefore, reason would have it that the Mustached American can be placed in charge of a fuel that can melt a dwarf at 17 paces, especially when our facial hair can do so at 19 paces.
  

• Management analyst ($70,990) – This is not a good fit. Certainly we are able to analyze management, but not necessarily to manage analysis. And there is a clear distinction.
  

• First-line supervisor/manager of police and detectives ($72,620) – Boom! Sweet spot baby! Along with weapons, uniforms, and badges, police recruits are issued mustaches upon entering the force. There is no better fit. And don't forget - never, ever trust a bare-lipped police officer, and if approached by one, call 911 and drive as quickly as possible to your nearest Police Station where you will be welcomed by throngs of  cookie dustered constables.
  

• Advertising and promotions manager ($73,666) – Losers - all of them. Can’t happen. Never in a million years. That profession will not tolerate a Mustached American….
  

• Education administrator, post-secondary ($75,780) – As part of a settlement in U.S. vs. Fishbine, Mustached Americans can no longer teach children under the age of 23 unless accompanied by an adult without facial hair, which we believe is unconstitutional.
  

• Veterinarian ($79,368) – Mustached American don’t treat, we eat.

Carry on.

The great Major League Baseball Hall-of-Famer Mike Schmidt is the subject of the most recent AMI Monthly Interview. You can listen here.  

Croatia/China:  What could possibly be better than ultra-fit, hairless-bodied, Olympic water polo players with mustaches?  My mind cannot comprehend anything more amazing.

 "We came to an idea to do something special, that will be only ours," Croatia's Maro Jokovic told the AP. "And we agreed because we are a team, we fight for each other and we die for each other, and we wanted to do something not so usual among other teams."

Bravo!  Too bad this hairy tribute to former Olympic coach Ratko Rudic did not prevent them from being beaten 7-5 by the US on Saturday and upset 9-11 by Spain on Sunday.  If I could give out a medal for winning my heart, this team would have it.

I am indeed delighted and will be obsessing over these chaps for the next month or so.

Nepal:  As metrosexuality spreads, Nepal is rapidly becoming a society without mustaches.  Once passed down from one generation to the next as a sign of masculinity, the mustache is being wiped from the face of men who now find it fashionable to be clean-shaven.  This is a new trend that started in urban areas, driven by women who claim their men look younger and more handsome without facial hair.

India:  Hindu men have long been mustached because of a long-held belief that they should not shave their mustaches so long as their parents are alive.  Alas, in the modern day, some prefer bare upper lip and no longer see any correlation between their mustaches and their parents’ lives or longevity.  A poll of men of Indian heritage, ages 25-25, born in the US and/or raised,  found that they are glad to see their brothers in the homeland finally emerging from the 1980s.

Turkey:  In a response to so-called ‘European Union standards’, bus drivers in Turkey have been forbidden to have mustaches by Metro Tourism, one of Turkey’s biggest transportation companies.  Read the entire story from Turkish Daily News.

Italy (see also: New Jersey):  Men are so into their mustaches that they’ve made a mustache comb pendant chic.  Get yours here.

The publicity around the death of Gene Upshaw ignored one of the most interesting aspects of his life: he had one of the most enduring mustaches in all sports. Twenty-eight years since his participation in the Super Bowl with the winners, the Oakland Raiders, Upshaw's gray mustache was like the man himself, physically a shadow of the once proud 'stache he sported, but a reminder of the power and intelligence of a man who reached a height few could ever have predicted.

Upshaw's life was a classic American tale.

After a successful football career, he used exceptional political skills to recreate himself as a labor leader, and, from the most humble of southern roots, he lead the NFL Players Association, a union at the center of America's most popular sport.

His mustache was of another era, one where players cultivated an outlaw image that was not always ready for prime time. The circumstances of his death - he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on Sunday and died days later - have left that union scrambling.

In addition, there was controversy to his career. When confronted about pension and health care benefits for retired players, he cracked: "I don't work for them. They are not union members and they have no vote."

Many of those players were Mustached Americans who felt they had been forgotten as the active players grew rich. Mustached greats Mike Ditka and D1ck Butkus have lead the way in challenging current players and owners to take care of the men, many of them once household names, who are now in desparate need of health care benefits.

So, many older players are not as generous in their assessment of Upshaw. Sam Huff told the New York Times:  "You want to feel sorrier than you do. It’s a mixed feeling that I have today."

Huff, it should be noted, does not have a mustache.