Thanksgiving is upon us and as always, it's a time when we reflect upon what we, as Mustached Americans, are thanksful for. Generally, this is something we do with family and friends. But since you - the 17.6 readers of the American Mustache Institute blog - have become our family and friends in recent years, our faculty and administration would like to share what we are thankful for with you.

VIJOY RAO, CM
DIRECTOR, ADMINISTRATION, FINANCE & LEGAL AFFAIRS

• I am thankful that AMI digital director Ron Heinz was at Stache Bash 08 in a red silk robe and didn’t even know it was a dress up party. That’s just how he rolls on Saturdays.
• I am thankful that my wife’s job keeps her busy and distracted enough to not realize that she is way out of my league
• I am thankful for my health and friends and caramel-esque browness.

• I am thankful for tomorrow, because I get better looking every day.
• I am thankful for Forrest Whitaker because he just keeps delivering incredible acting performance after performance.
• I am thankful for the cheesemakers, for they shall make cheese.
• I am thankful for every music critic that ripped apart the latest offering from the overrated Guns 'N Roses.

RYAN MCCLURE, ESQ.
STAFF NAIL TECHNICIAN

• I’m thankful for the fact that I’m am not wearing a barrel (yet).
• I’m thankful that Big League chew is still available in most respectable retail convenience-marts
• I’m thankful that I don’t have to do much work on this blog, save for sending Dr. Froman some silly one-liners every once in while.
• I’m thankful for adult onsies. ‘Nuff said.
  

DR. JOSHUA ROGERS
PROFESSOR OF NUCLEAR MUSTACHEOLOGY

I am thankful for:

• Salted nut rolls.
• The powerful, yet gentle voice of Christopher Cross.
• Kidney beans in salad bars
• Q-tips.
• Antiperspirant that doesn’t discolor the underarms of my white t-shirts after extensive use.
  

• I am thankful for Steve Bartman.
• I am thankful for the St. Louis Cardinals, Green Bay Packers, Indiana Hoosier men’s basketball, Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team, and the Indianapolis Colts.
• I am thankful for fantasy football.
• I am thankful that I have a job right now as the economy tumbles.
• I am thankful for the sacrifices my parents made to provide me with opportunities I otherwise would not have had.
• I am thankful every f'ing time someone asks me if I’m a golfer when I introduce myself for having a name that is a good conversation starter.

DR. DANIEL T. CALLAHAN, Ph.D., CM
DIRECTOR, RESEARCH

I'm just thankful to live in a country where:

• Wally on "Leave it to Beaver" has a sculpture in the real Louvre, not the one created for the "Happy Days" episode.
• A Superior, Wisconsin man collects twine from 1979 to today and CBS News would devote airtime to it.
• Many victims of crimes neglect to put away their illegal drugs before calling police.
• Our Presidential election causes professors to steal lawns signs, priests to withhold communion, the Republican vice presidential candidate to be hung in effigy in West Hollywood, and a grade school principal to write a poem dedicated to our new president based on the "Good Times" theme song.
• A Florida teen gets 18 months in jail for casting his grandmother in a gangster rap video.
• Tom Cruise believes he should stop at all accidents because he’s the only one that can really help.
• While on a field trip to Chicago’s Field Museum, students from Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management vomit and spit on people and pass out in high-traffic areas.
• Men are arrested for having sex with: a picnic table, a park bench and a car wash vacuum.
  
• Madonna can continue touring the country scaring people.
• Children of celebrities would provide so much joy and six-figure payments from important magazine publishers.
• We will not have to hear Gary Glitter’s music until after he’s dead.
  

DR. ABRAHAM FROMAN, CM
CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER

I am thankful for: 

• bacon, sausage, ham, pork loin, and sides of bacon.
• the fact that 11.8 of 13 people I meet each day have a shared dislike for one Dave Navarro, who sucks. 
• for Sarah Jessica Parker looking like a horse and for having never seen, nor met any male who has seen, the "Sex & The City" movie.
  
• for nasty dunks, ALF, anything starring Mr. T, and midgets.....just for being midgets.
• for the musical stylings of Wierd Al Yankovic, who of course, is the brother of Leaping Lanny Poffo.
  

GERTRUDE WISEMAN
STAFF PSYCHOANALYST

• I am thankful that wearing sunscreen and being pale is back in style.
• I am thankful that when my car was broken into and ransacked on Tuesday night, there was nothing in it to take, except a cellphone charger, a quarter, and a package containing 20 boxes of alfredo-flavored Mac'n'Cheese I was supposed to have mailed to a friend earlier in the day.
• I am thankful my parents and brothers are so awesome and am also thankful they haven't really realized this.
• I am thankful I left North Dakota and found food that is not only brown or white; but I am also thankful that I moved all of the gear to make lefse, which happens to be a food that is both brown and white.

• I am thankful for my family … being over two hours away by car.
• I am thankful for my friend … notice I didn’t say “friends”.
• I am thankful for my health … is that mole on the back of my neck getting bigger?
• I am thankful for my wife,who still has a slight chance of being hot because I haven’t met her yet.
• I am thankful for the new variety show, “Rosie Live,” because someday it will be cancelled.
• I am thankful for literacy, without which I would not be able to express my thankfulness.