In 2001, the AMI research department under the guidance of Dr. Daniel Callahan conducted a study which found that 92.3 percent of Mustached Americans believe they tolerate the female gender for one reason and one reason only - primal needs.

Indeed, from the age of 12 we begin to feel the urge as our favorite feminine co-ed walks past us. By our late teens and throughout our twenties, it's 100 MPH thinking about one thing and one thing only - and guys who say otherwise are simply lying to get a little sumpin sumpin.

Marriages without a healthy amount of sex generally crumble. And the two biggest liars in the world are guys who say they have never, um, satisfied themselves, and those who say they quit. In other words, the Mustached American, and for that matter all men - we are all dogs who think about sex.....constantly.

So when word of a new study hit the Washington Post saying that 40 percent of women report sexual problems, but only 12 percent are distressed about it.

I mean seriously, come on. How selfish can these women be? They know we need regular love. We cannot exist without it. And due to this study it's now estimated that just 12 percent of 83 million U.S. women aged 20 to 65 care about their sexual inadequacy that we, the male populace, rely on for sustinence.

And here's where the Washington Post reporter Amanda Gardner, who is probably a huge fan of "Sex & The City," clearly doesn't get it. She had the audacity to write, "In a double whammy for the female gender..."

ARE YOU FREAKING SEROIUS AMANDA?

Men and men alone are the ones getting hit with your "double whammy."

The only good news was that, "The highest prevalence of sexual dysfunction was in older women," according to study author Dr. Jan Shifren, an associate professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive biology at Harvard Medical School and director of the Vincent Menopause Program at Massachusetts General Hospital.

Because of course, by the time our wives, girlfriends, lifepartners and stow-aways get to about 42, we're looking into the 20-something pool for replacement parts or replacements altogether.....not that there's anything wrong with that.

So please ladies, think of Dr. Callahan's research and stop being so selfish, ensuring that the next time you are querried about your sexual needs, you can demonstrate some selfless behavior and think of your male peers of Mustached American descent.

Carry on.

*apologies to all of our Dave Navarro co-haters that we were not able to work in an-anti Navarro reference in this but he does still suck.