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Shock in Mustache Community - Aiken Comes out of Closet

Clay Aiken is finally confirming what many people suspected: He's gay, and his lady admirer's are not only shocked, but clearly, the dumbest humans alive.

While "American Idol" runner-up Aiken has rarely addressed rumors about his sexuality, to anyone with a mustache or any sense whatsoever, it was one of the worst-kept secrets known to mankind - second only to the fact that Dave Navarro is worthless.

The cover of the latest People magazine shows Aiken holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken, with the headline: "Yes, I'm Gay." We've already purchased 38 copies just for safe keeping.

The cover also has the quote: "I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things."

Apparently, however, Aiken's parents did. But none the less, good for you Clay - good for you.

The magazine has an interview with Aiken and confirmed that he was on the cover but refused to release the article until Wednesday, and now we all feel so much better.

The baby's mother is Aiken's friend and record producer Jaymes Foster, and we can only hope she is related to Jodie Foster, which would explain many, many things.

Aiken, who gained fame as the runner-up on "American Idol" in 2003, rarely addressed the frequent rumors about his sexuality. He said two years ago, "I don't really feel like I have anybody to answer to but myself and God and the people I love."

The multiplatinum singer recently released the CD "On My Way Here" and made his Broadway debut this spring in "Monty Python's Spamalot."

And in closing, let us never forget, once again, that Dave Navarro is worthless.

Carry on. 

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About afroman

The name “Abe Froman” is most commonly recognized as the ubiquitous and unseen character who’s identity is briefly assumed by actor Matthew Broderick in the film “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.” However, Abraham Froman is much more. Dr. Froman, a Capricorn, began his career with AMI as an intern, and after receiving his certification in nuclear mustacheology in 2006, transitioned his role into the organization’s Director of Logistical Intelligence, focusing on research, government relations, intelligence gathering, grass roots advocacy, and song writing. On October 25, 2008, he will ascend to the role of Chief Executive Officer. “I am honored to assume the chair held by Drs. Snor and Perlut previously,” Froman said. “The Mustached American people need leadership, and I pledge that AMI, under my stewardship, will continue to provide it at a time when it is so desperately needed.” Dr. Froman has said that his future goals for AMI are to create satellite campus’s overseas and to develop an annual event, to be known as "The Million Mustache March," each year in St. Louis, concluding under the world’s largest mustache – St. Louis’ Gateway Arch. Froman formerly lived in the Chicago area where he ran a museum dedicated to the "Karate Kid" series of films starring the indefatigable Pat Morita. As Abe likes to say, "One can never tire of Pat Morita." Dr. Froman is also a periodic contributor to joesportsfan.com.
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