It seems as though the excuses for not dating someone (who is in all ways totally perfect) are comparable to those excuses men use for not growing a mustache.  While there are many obvious interpretations of these excuses for dating, and since I have heard every one any man has to offer, I will attempt to translate the most popular excuses into mustache-speak. 

It’s not you, it’s me. – I’m not cool enough to even attempt to pull off a ‘stache, and you may already know this, so I’m gonna cut out before you confirm your suspicions.

Oh, I’ve just been so busy with work / I’m all jammed up / forgot I had a life / have been out of town.– This could be one of the following things:  1) I’m too lazy to alter my daily routine for a ‘stache, 2) I’m avoiding talking about growing or having a ‘stache because it makes me feel funny inside, or 3) another force is preventing my desire for a ‘stache, but I’m too afraid or embarrassed to tell you or deal with it.

I just got out of a serious, long-term relationship and I’m not ready/willing to start another one right now. – I recently parted ways with a style of facial hair that I’d been with for quite some time and now I’m going to take some time to enjoy the freedom and seemingly unending choices of possible facial hair styles, therefore I will ignore the call of the ‘stache for now.

I’m not ready to settle down. – Mustaches are awesome, but I really want to do as much as I can with my face, facial hair and not, before I commit to anything.

(no response) – I’m totally against mustaches for reasons I can’t/won’t explain.

I’m just not into monogamy. –  I really enjoy a variety of facial hair styles and I’m not afraid to flaunt it.  And you can’t get mad about it because I’m being so honest with you about the whole thing up front.  Yes, I know I started to grow the mustache... but it's really all about immediate gratification for me.  What would happen if I was suddenly out of vogue with my past choice and wanted to change?  However would I get everything I want if I ever seriously committed to just one thing even if it was the greatest thing ever?  OOooo!  Something shiny!

Come on guys!  No more excuses.  Just embrace the ‘stache and see what happens.  You can always change your mind later, but I bet you won’t.