 Welcome to The Show! On Thursday, Dr. Aaron Perlut, executive director of the American Mustache Institute (AMI) will stop by to chat about mustaches in sports.
Perlut has appeared a few times on ESPN's First Take, discussing the benefits of mustaches in sports. He's a founding member of the AMI and has had mustaches on and off since age seven. He has experienced first hand the discrimination against mustached Americans when he was not allowed to participate in youth football due to concerns by league organizers who believed his mustache would provide him with an unfair advantage against the other seven-year-olds.
The AMI will be holding Stache Bash 2008 toward the end of October, where the Robert Goulet Mustache of the Year award will be given out. The Bash helps support Challenger Baseball, a baseball league for kids with disabilities.
Send in your questions now and join Perlut at 2 p.m. ET on Thursday!
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 Dr. Aaron Perlut: Thank you to all the mustached Americans and those of you without mustaches, consider yourselves lucky!
Brad (Gadsden,Alabama): Aaron, Who has the best stache of all-time?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: I can only speak for myself, but I would say Al Hrabosky or Billy Dee Wiliams for his smoothness.
Javier (St. Louis, MO): How can I get that metallic sheen that the arch here exudes so brilliantly in my own mustache?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Consume vast quanities of beer and watch many reruns of Different Strokes!
Gary (Phoenix): What's the ruling on using product in your stache?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: There's been much debate about this in the mustache community as there were hundreds of upset Mustached Americans when Keith Hernandez won the Best Sports Mustache Contest last year. AMI falls out here: any mustache - enhanced or not - is a good mustache.
elmo, NYC: I like to pursue a life of challenge, novelty and change. Is a mustache a good idea for me?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: It depends upon your long-term commitment, as when you shave a mustache, an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth. So if you want to grow and keep it - yes. If that is not your plan, hold until you feel you have the long term commitment.
Borat: Has anyone ever told you that you look like me?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: They have, and it is an honor sir. Carry on.
Lisa (TN): My husband has a stache, but I don't like it when he kisses me with it...do I have the right to ask him to shave?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Tolerance is a virtue my dear. Remember the power of the Mustached American and let us never speak of this again.
Bill (Chicago): What went into naming the stache award after Robert Goulet?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: We felt Goulet was a great American with a long-term commitment to the Mustached people. Plus, he sadly passed and we felt this was a way to honor his great memory and that of his mustache.
River (NYC): Is any mustache a good mustache?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Yes, even for swimmers River. Carry on.
Carl Weathers: What about me man??
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Carl, we loved you in "Action Jackson" and think you are a great American. Thank you for training Rocky in # 3, and for talking trash to Mr. T.
Ramon from Clayton, MO: The AMI website saved my life. Finding a community of mustached Americans has given me the confidence to try to grow a mustache for the first time in my life. However, in the process, I have found that I suffer from the rare bare upper lip disorder (BULD). Could Mr. Perlut comment on whether a nose hair comb-over is still a mustache or should I consider hair plugs for my upper lip. It's important that I know.
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Ramon, if that is your real name - that is a great question. Nose hair is a good thing. WE normally blend it with mustache hair to make the mustache fuller. Use what you have. It's all about effort.
Mike (NJ): Who has the best lip candy in sports today?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: I'm a Hulk Hogan fan, and I also appreciate that he is redefining celebrity divorce for us all to gawk at.
Paul (Lorain, OH): What are your feelings about a prank involving shaving a friends mustache while sleeping?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Paul, if anyone from AMI is ever in Lorain, OH, we will hunt you down and execute you.
Will Ferrel: GOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU-LEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTT
Dr. Aaron Perlut: One thousand one, one thousand two....it's the pleats in the pants. Great story, compelling and rich.
Joe (Huntsville,AL): I know steroids are a big deal in sports now, what are your thoughts on using a Rogain like product to enhance stache growth?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Keep this in mind - the mustache itself is the ultimate performance enhancer as Mr. Giambi has learned. As for Rogain - the more the hairier.
Bobby from Bloomington, IN: How does the mustache guy think ESPN reporters and anchors rate in terms of mustache-worthiness?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: We are working with ESPN as we speak to increase the number of Mustached Americans who report on-air and who clean the restrooms on the ESPN campus. They need and up-tick, no doubt. Thank you for your good work Ed Werder....
J-rok! (Kansas): For some reason I can't grow a nice mustache. It's always what they call the "trash stache". Being 27 and still unable to grow a good one is there anything you suggest to help me out?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: My friend, you suffer from what's called Bare Upper Lip Disorder (BULD). Just remember - you can still do your part by applauding for Mustached Americans as they walk past you and for publicly castigating those without lip sweaters.
Zach : Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria...best archduked stache ever? Greatest Empire Mustache ever?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Zach, you are clearly a Communist. Don't ever chat on this page again.
Rick: Will a mosutashe enhanse my sexual power?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Rick, your spelling is imaculate. Are we related? And don't ever put a "u" in the word "mustache" again. What is this place filled with - commies?
Dan (Detroit): Who has the best stache of all time in sports? Rollie Fingers?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Fingers is good. Hrabosky is brilliant. And as a D-town guy, you have plenty of hometown stars to love. See the '84 Tigers team photo.
Chris (MD): What do you have planned for the Stache Bash 2008?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Mustaches, beer consumption, live music, lovely women, beer consumption, mustaches, and no people of Dutch descent. We hate the Dutch. Can't trust 'em.
Joe (Huntsville,AL): Was Tom Selleck considered a Benedict Arnold when he shaved his stache?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Our research director, Dan Callahan, was rushed to the hospital. You can read about it on the history section of our page. It was a shameful day indeed.
Jerry (from Maryland): Who do you support for president?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Bob Barr, the first mustached American candidate since Thomas E. Dewey in 1948. But you knew that.
K. Lee (right here): OK, never have been able to grow a decent stache, in my opinion. How can I overcome this? any exercises? Certain foods? Anything?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Another sufferer of Bare Upper Lip Disorder (BULD). I would suggest this: drink John Daniels (I know him well so I call him John) more than your doctor would prescribe, dance as much as you can, and support mustached Americans as often as possible.
Matt (IN): That's an unfair shot at the Dutch. I am not of Dutch descent but my father works for a Dutch owned corporation and I have seen for myself that some of those guys can really rock the 'stache. I remember one dude who had a handlebar that even Fingers would've been envious of
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Well then, as you are not Dutch, we will welcome you on our campus and teach you the ways of the dark side.
Randy from Salt Lake City: My wife has a mustache. I want her to shave it. Do angels still fall?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: And why is this? Are you an angel killer? We work with the 1964 women's East German Olympic shotput team and Bobby Jones, our facility director, kisses them frequently. He seems to be happy.
Larry (Charlotte): What's the biggest benefit to using sporting the stache?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: I have been able to harness the power to crack a walnut at 50 paces by simply staring at it. But that takes year's of work - staring at posters of Billy Dee Williams, Burt Reynolds, and eating Kentucky Fried Chicken ad nauseum.
Rick (Annapolis, MD): How do you guys come up with the nominees for the Year stace award?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Rick, you submit them at our site - americanmustacheinstitute.org
Chris (Baltimore, MD): Goulet...best mustache ever?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: a good mustache on a great man. God bless his soul.
Joe (Huntsville,AL): Randy brings up a good topic. Is America ready for a mustachioed female athlete?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: While my new friend (female) here says no, I say definitely. It's a performance enhancer that's legal. Bring it.
Darrell Wyoming: Which mustache is the hottest right now. I mean in terms of fashion.
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Darrell, I'm sorry, but please leave the chat right now.
Assaad (Casablanca): I am from Morocco and we have many mustaches...they are very popular.
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Clearly Assaad, you are a fine orator in that the real questoin is whether the men of the American Mustache Institute are the bravest behind only the US military and the post-Jim Henson Muppets. Yes, yes we are. Thank you
Doug, St. Louis: Aaron, at what age is it appropriate to start having your child sporting the 'stache?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: I grew my first mustache at age 7 but was castigated by my peers. Damn trolls.
Linda from Chatanooga: I love men with mustaches. How can I encourage my newest man to grow one?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Start dating a man with a mustache and the other guy will come back with a lip sweater very quickly.
Michael Phelps: I don't have a 'stache yet I still broke Spitz's record. Is this a dent in the armor of the mustache world?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Phelps, you deserted us just prior to your Olympic races, thus reducing your speed and making those races closer then they needed to be. Shame on you sir. Shame on you.
Bud (Fresno, CA): Dr Perlut, what are the statistics on a mustached man entering a cougar den?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: About 17.8 of 21 would come out unscathed while the clean shaven weakling would only see 3 of 21 return. Power.
Cynthia (Chappaqua, NYC): Do you ever hope to host a mustache convention or traveling road show. If so, I would like to join your mailing list.
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Visit our web site americanmustacheinstitute.org. YOu can sign up for membership and our e-mail list. And come to St. Louis on Oct. 25 for 'Stache BAsh 2008.
Bill (PA): How much better would Different Strokes would have been if Arnold sported a stache?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Or what about little Sam? Red-headed little Tiger. Of course, he did ruin the show.
Pat (Chicago): Is there an American Beard Institute? Are they like the Hatfields to your McCoys?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: We have been fighting the Beard Congress since 1965. They are bad people representing the weak who wear the "Spousal Compromise."
Gabe, New York: How many more home runs could A-Rod hit if he grew a mustache at this stage in his career?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Twenty eight more than he will if he starts officially dating either Madonna or Richard Simmons.
Champ, San Diego: Does a mustache help in a vicious *** fight?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: You must keep your head on a swivel my friend. Now you may want to go hide out somewhere.
Chuck Norris (Wherever I Want to Be): My mustache is the only thing that can defeat me in combat of any kind.
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Yes, your hairpiece has tried to defeat you several times, but your cookie duster has fended it off.
Bill Simonson (head of beard institute): Please do not disparage us simply because we have weak chins. Why can't we all get along?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Understand this Bill. The beard or goatee is the 1/2-way meeting point between the utter weakness of the clean shaven, and the uncontrollable power of the mustache. It's where your spouse says, "I can deal with the beard, but not the 'stache." And that, my friend, is when real mustached Americans escort her out the door.
AJ (MD): What are you're feelings on a soul patch?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: No chin coverage. No compromise. Lots of upper lip warmth.
Brandon (IL): The Burt Reynolds Stash is it 1# all time?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Burt is a hero for sporting the Labia Sebucula (Latin for "lip sweater) since the late 1960s. HIs birthday should be a FEderal holiday.
Bob (Chicago): Hens love Roosters, Geese love Ganders, Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Ned to God. Ned to God. Get off your duff and save my Todd.
Mark R (New Orleans): Can you give me a statement on pencil staches?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Mark, you devil, any mustache is a good mustache. You are very, very silly.
Confused Fan: Jason LaRue has a terrific handlebar stache, and yet, he can't hit a lick...thoughts?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: No sir. He can't get off the bench. He can hit. It's just LaRussa penalizes him for being so manly, powerful, and putting the rest of the team to shame.
Dave, LV: This is the best chat ESPN's ever had. Can we get the suits to replace Buzz with you?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Yes, Dave, I know this.
Mike (NJ): Aaron, you say any mustache is a good mustache. Care to comment on Hitler's?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Very touchy subject Mike but we must be accountable about our people. Stalin, Hitler and Sadaam Huessein (sic) have all brought shame to our people.
Bernie Brewer (Millwaukee, MN): Can I be you mascot?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Who are your currently a mascot for?
Slappy (orlando fl): Have you listened to the latest dave navarro cd? he sports a crazy stache, don't he?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Dave Navarro is worthless and we have a team of Indonesian trolls looking for his home to hurt him as we speak.
Mike (NJ): Why did society deem it uncool to have a mustache in the 1990s?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Mike, this actually began at the tail end of the 1970s when disco faded, Walter Cronkite retired, and the Reagan administration re-instituted the Federal Mustache Tax Amendment.
Shado, NYC: You're a Doctor of what exactly?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Catalytic nuclear mustacheology
dad: No answer to my Jon Luc Picard ?, I'm hurt, this is cool stuff
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Clearly, sir, you are a good looking man. Are you related to Jean Luc Picard, who put Bill Shatner to shame?
Dr. Aaron Perlut: Friends, this has been moderately bearable and you shouldeem yourselves fortunate for having been able to interact with, and hear my words. If you have a viable candidate for the "Robert Goulet Mustached American of the Year" award, please submit. Voting begins Oct. 6 on the finalists. And hope to see you at 'STache BAsh 2008 in St. Louis. YOu can find info on all of this at www.americanmustacheinstitute.org. Carry on. |