As demonstrated when reporting on the horrific Will Ferrell vehicle "Semi-Pro," AMI periodically provides our audience with cutting-edge film reviews and today's is nothing short of that. As always, we sent AMI film critics Walter Cronkite and John Waters to see the new "Pineapple Express." This time, our veteran reviewers were accompanied by AMI spiritual adviser Rev. Yitzchak Islamanto.

Islamanto: So gentlemen, last night we went to see the new Seth Rogan film "Pineapple Express." Now, maybe I wasn't high enough - although we sure tried - but I've got to tell you, I was more than a bit disappointed.

Cronkite: Agreed, Reverend.  I went into this thing thinking it was going to be the second coming of "Half Baked."  I read in Rolling Stone that it might be the best stoner movie ever, and that one of the characters -- Saul, a hippy drug dealer caught up in the main plot -- may be the best stoner movie character of all time. So I went in with high expectations. But this movie was not mustached American fare. It just plain sucked. 

Waters: Oh come on darling! It wasn't that bad. There were a few good scenes. Like the scene where they are on the golf course and the funny old guy, you know, the judge, is trying to putt and the other funny old guy starts playing that song by Journey and all of the caddies start dancing. That was hilarious. Wait, what movie are we talking about? Sorry, I must have gotten a contact high in the theater last night.

Islamanto: I think where it may have lost me were the opening credits. They just weren't crisp enough. You know, like the documentary "Space Balls," where the huge letters roll down the screen.

Waters:  "Space Balls" was very, very, very funny dearest. I wish we saw that last night. Who was the lead hunk in "Space Balls?"  Bill Pullman or Bill Paxton? I always get those guys confused. I'll bet they get confused too. I'll bet they run into each other at parties and are constantly starting the conversation by asking "Hey Bill, was I the president in "Independence Day" or was that you?"

Cronkite: I'd have to say that the opening of the movie is really one of two - OK maybe three times - where I laughed, barely chuckled, or thought to myself, "Well, I guess I can see where some people would laugh at that."  I mean, at least I think I laughed at it. I don't know though, because I was pretty primed for a very funny movie when I walked in, so maybe I was forcing it at the beginning.  This is only the second movie I've ever walked out of, and it instantly entered my Worst Five Movies of All Time List along with "Windtalkers," "White Noise," "XXX" (the one with Vin Diesel; do you really think porn would be on my worst five list?), and "Showgirls."  The third "Austin Powers" movie has now moved off the list and into the six slot.

Islamanto: A few thoughts here. First, like Mr. T, I pity the fool who didn't love "Austin Powers: Goldmember," is a fool. Michael Caine, who together with Gene Hackman and Morgan Freeman has been in every movie ever made - was brilliant when he said, "If there's two things I hate is people who are intolerant of other people and their culture...and the Dutch." Second, Paxton was brilliant as Chet in "Weird Science," which you can see here.  And I remember hearing about your famed Worst Five Movies of All Time List. I'm glad you've confirmed its existence.

Cronkite: The first and second Austin Powers movies, I loved. And that's the way it was.  The third was just the same old jokes over and over again. I bet if you watch it closely enough, you'll be able to pinpoint the exact moment when Mike Myers career hit the fan.  What's he done since?  "The Love Guru"?  Give Kanye a disgusted look when the rapper said George Bush doesn't care about black people?  Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Yes, the new "Dark Knight" movie is one of the sickest movies I've seen in a long time, and I loved "Batman Begins," but can you really beat Mr. Cool himself, Jack Nicholson as the Joker?  Crap...oh yeah..."Pineapple Express." Awful.

Waters: I hate to burst your bubble Cronkie, but Mike Myers was responsible for three of the biggest blockbusters in the past seven years -- "Shrek" - numbers one, two and three. He flopped with "The Love Guru," but you simply can't say his career is on a tailspin. And don't tell me you didn't like the "Shrek" movies. Anyone who says that "Shrek" was lame is more of a girl than I am. You big loser. You don't want to be a loser, do you? You know, like that Dale Denton kid in "Pineapple Express." He was a real loser.

Cronkite: Alright Johnny, you totally busted me on the "Shrek" thing.  Completely slipped my mind.  But, did you know that the thin kid, Chris Farley, he was the original "Shrek" and filmed the entire movie. A lot of people on the "inside" say that he was even better than Mike Myers as "Shrek."  But, as you may have read about a few years ago, he died. Dumb-ass. Oh my God, by the way, how about the part on "Tommy Boy" when they are driving and singing and the hood of the car pops up and blocks the windshield and they're screaming and swerving all over the place?  PRICELESS.  "Pineapple Express" was nothing like that.

Islamanto: Are you guys as high as I am right now?

Waters: No. Wait, what? I'm sorry. Did you ask me a question? When? Right now? Sorry, I've been on a pretty nasty mescaline binge since Sunday.

Islamanto: OK, well, I think it might be time to wrap this one up and go tickle the lip sweater.  God bless you all.

Carry on.