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Hamas conducting mustache terror campaign

As you can read here in the Jerusalem Post, it is clear that members of Hamas, the Middle East advocacy group - some would say terrorist organization -  was not familiar with the the passage in the Book of Jobe where is states that each time a mustache is shaved, an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth.

Hamas has resumed a policy of shaving mustaches of political opponents to humiliate them. A mustache terror campaign which Hamas considers a form of punishment after arresting senior Fatah representatives in the Gaza StripClearly, these actions cement the question as to whether Hamas is, in fact, a terrorist organization, as we at AMI have now officially placed them on the Mustache Terrorism list we have on file with the FBI.

The latest victim of Hamas' mustache terror campaign was Nafez al-Namnam, a top Fatah operative in the Gaza Strip. Namnam, 51, had sported a rather large mustache for more than three decades, but after being rounded up by Hamas in the aftermath of a bombing, he emerged from prison with a clean-shaven face.

In turn, Hamas is accusing the Palestinian Authority security forces of shaving the beards of detained Hamas officials in the West Bank. And as AMI is the sworn enemy of the Beard Congress, we believe the Palestinian Authority is clearly on more sound legal ground as beards, as well as goatees - each forms of the "spousal compromise" - are simply representations of utter weakness and should be exterminated at every opportunity. 

Through our Cairo office, AMI has reached out to senior Hamas officials in an attempt to stop the mustache terror campaign and serve as a mediation point in hopes that some peaceful resolution can be met.

Carry on.  

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About afroman

The name “Abe Froman” is most commonly recognized as the ubiquitous and unseen character who’s identity is briefly assumed by actor Matthew Broderick in the film “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.” However, Abraham Froman is much more. Dr. Froman, a Capricorn, began his career with AMI as an intern, and after receiving his certification in nuclear mustacheology in 2006, transitioned his role into the organization’s Director of Logistical Intelligence, focusing on research, government relations, intelligence gathering, grass roots advocacy, and song writing. On October 25, 2008, he will ascend to the role of Chief Executive Officer. “I am honored to assume the chair held by Drs. Snor and Perlut previously,” Froman said. “The Mustached American people need leadership, and I pledge that AMI, under my stewardship, will continue to provide it at a time when it is so desperately needed.” Dr. Froman has said that his future goals for AMI are to create satellite campus’s overseas and to develop an annual event, to be known as "The Million Mustache March," each year in St. Louis, concluding under the world’s largest mustache – St. Louis’ Gateway Arch. Froman formerly lived in the Chicago area where he ran a museum dedicated to the "Karate Kid" series of films starring the indefatigable Pat Morita. As Abe likes to say, "One can never tire of Pat Morita." Dr. Froman is also a periodic contributor to joesportsfan.com.
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