As lovers of all that is hoops, over an ice cold 12-pack of Miller Genuine Draft cans, we tuned in to watch Game One of the NBA finals last night between the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers. And unlike Seattle baseball games, there were no lesbians kissing in sight - as least ones that we saw. A few thoughts on Game One:

• We maintain that the NBA, while earning plaudits for its marketing Zen, in reality has no understanding of how to market itself. Top games - like playoff and championship games - begin at times when only vagabonds, blind dwarves and shut-ins are watching. No kids are watching at 9 p.m. eastern time, and therefore, no future fans are watching. The romance is gone. Plus,the only thing interesting about those new 1/2 face commercials is the spoofs that have been made of them. The reason college hoops is kicking pro-hoops back-ends is because it's got attitude. In it's marketing, the NBA tries so hard to demonstrate it's an adult, refined game, and basketball simply is not. It's an aggressive, show-time oriented game whether you like it or not.
  
• Now, getting off the soap box, Celtics in seven.
  
• Phil Jackson - even with the silly soul patch - looked better when he simply had a mustache and was sans earing, and we're not quite sure how to classify Paul Pierce's facial hair. What is that stuff?
  
• Derek Fisher, even at 78-years-old, is truly one of the most unsung little men in recent NBA history. People often forget he was the glue as point guard on the Lakers three championship teams with Shaq & Co. He is simply one of the toughest players out there today.Conversely, Kendrick Perkins of the Celtics, while skilled and promising, is truly one of the blossoming knuckleheads in the league.
  
• Is sideline reporter Michelle Tafoya a man or a woman?
• We recognize Kobe Bryant's skill, abilities, and what have you....but we hate him none the less. He should spend more time in Colorado resorts.
• We love all of the flashbacks to the old Celtics vs. Lakers games from the 1980s. But man, Larry Bird wore some tight shorts and looked like a marathon runner.....but that mustache baby.....awwww yeah.
  
• The Paul Pierce injury was scary. But apparently they took him into the locker room and hooked him up to an intravenous line into Big Brown, allowing the horse's stanozolol to drain into Pierce's knee and get him back into playing shape quickly (according to Celtics insiders, when the playoffs are over, Pierce will be put out to stud).
  
• We're convinced that if there is a sequel to "E.T. the Extra Terrestrial," Sam Cassell would get the starring role as the movie studio wouldn't have to put him in costume.
• Did anyone else get annoyed with the GM commercials featuring the parking attendants?
  
• Question: Will "Don't Mess With the Zohan" be funny? Recent Adam Sandler history says no, but we can always dream. And this just in from the New York Times.
  
• If saggy-eye Stuart Scott was half as hip as he believes he is, he'd really be, well, hip. Thank goodness we only have to bear with him during pre-game, halftime, and post-game....that's actually way too much.
  
• That put-back dunk by Garnett in crunch-time was delicious, nutritious, sumptuous, and scrumptious.
  
• We'll stick with Celtics in seven but it's going to be a tight, tight series....tight like Gino's shirt.
  

 Carry on.