Editor's note: below you will find an Associated Press story about the past weekend's premiere about film travesty "Sex And The City" accompanied by embedded commentary from the AMI. 

NEW YORK (AP) -- Shopping bags line the aisles. Heels click on the sticky floors. Gaggles of girls pose for pictures.

Commentary: Reading this opening line simply makes our hair hurt. 

The "Sex" cast -- Kristin Davis, Parker, Cynthia Nixon and Kim Cattrall -- saw their film hit No. 1 at the box office.

Commentary: Elvis has officially left the building. If he were alive, he would be sitting on a toilet stuffing pills down his throat.....again. 

This was the scene at one New York City theater during the opening weekend for "Sex and the City," which turned multiplexes across the country into a kind of feminine ground zero. Of course, "Sex and the City" doesn't represent all things feminine, just the cliches: clothes, gossiping about men, Vogue magazine, etc.

Whatever you think of the film or the HBO series that spawned it, the jammed cinemas were an intimidating place for any heterosexual male to venture.

Commentary: It does not intimidate us in any way. We simply think all of these people are stupid and it reinforces every stereotype that men dream up of caddy, vapid, superficial women.  

This reporter was (forcibly) dispatched to a Manhattan theater to determine whether the ultimate "chick flick" could be a welcoming experience for a guy. And with look of determination that said, yes, he was confident enough about himself to make such a trip, this reporter went. Talk about embedded journalism.

Commentary: God be with you sir. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault....it's your editor's fault.

The crowd was not nearly as homogeneous as expected. (Enough men apparently went to help the film to a robust $55.7 million gross over the weekend.) Interviews with three couples suggested that "Sex and the City" has plenty to offer men -- or at least isn't worth avoiding like a well-dressed plague. iReport: Ladies line up for 'Sex'

Anthony Smith initially said he was "dragged" to the theater by his date, 21-year-old Pamela David. She quickly reprimanded him: "That's not true. You wanted to see it. Don't lie."Smith, 38, then happily let down his guard and confessed he had seen almost every episode."I'm totally into it and I'm straight," said Smith. "You understand women better watching 'Sex and the City.' "

Commentary: While we appreciate the fact that he's a cradle robber, please, if you live in New York and have a mustache, go find this Mr. Smith and kill him. Either that or make him listen to Dave Navarro music.  

Turning to David, he added: "Not that I figured her out yet, though."

Jose Dalban, 25, joined his girlfriend, 19-year-old Rosemary Mejin, and was proud to acknowledge that he's a fan of the show: "I like Samantha. She's my favorite."

Commentary: We have no idea who Samantha might be. Is she the one who looks like a horse? Read our lips: you should not have a favorite cast member you jerk-off.

Like seemingly everyone in the theater before the film started, Dalban said he hoped Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) finally marries Mr. Big (Chris Noth). Regardless of how the fortunes for the most prominent male character on the show ended up, Dalban thinks men can identify with the show's feminine foursome.

"'Sex and the City' is like when I get together with my cousins and my friends," he said. "They're just like us, only on the woman's side. I have a friend that's just like Carrie. I have a friend that's just like Samantha."

Commentary: You have no friends. If you did, they would be nothing like these women. If these women knew you, your friends, or your family, we are guessing they would not give you the time of day.  If you live in New York and have a mustache, go find this Mr. Dalban and kill him. Either that or make him spend the day in a room of cats.  

Vivian Becker, 22, attended with her boyfriend, who insisted on anonymity for fear of embarrassment. And for good reason: Becker said he, in fact, was the "facilitator" in their trip to the cinema. The boyfriend admitted that he was "invested" in the show after being made to watch the TV series by Becker.

Commentary:  We initially thought he was going to say he was dragged to the flick by his woman so he could go home and reap the profit for feeling that pain. Then it went south on us. Maybe we should suggest he "invest" himself in a shotgun, a plow, or nice pair of work boots. Doesn't he realize what the good people at Moosehead beer have told us?

"Sex and the City" is one of the few summer blockbusters targeting women. Most of the comic-book adaptations and R-rated comedies are aimed squarely at male teenagers. To Becker, guys having to go see "Sex and the City" helps balance the gender scales.

"What are women gaining when they go to 'Iron Man'?" she wondered. "A lot of my friends were dragged to that. There's a give-and-take in movies, right?"

Commentary:   "What are women gaining when they go to 'Iron Man'?" Surely you jest woman? Maybe you'd be getting a sense of what it's like to   drive a Dodge Ram 2500 pick-up with the Hemi V-8 engine through a muddy field while eating a Hardee's 2/3 lb. Monster Thickburger with extra cheese at 75 mph. Maybe you'd learn what it's like to karate chop a 500 lb. sumo-wrestler and watch him go down in a huddled mass. Or maybe you'd feel the pure justice of crashing through a 3/4-inch plate-glass window without a scratch only to have your adoring fan-base throw you a 12-pack of Budweiser.

Keep this in mind "Sex And the City" nation: There is no give-and-take with movies and the mustached American. If it does not have Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Darth Vader, Charles Bronson, Billy Dee Williams, Burt Reynolds or deal conceptually in matters of life and death, martial arts, mustaches, super heroes, motorcycle racing, or star cruisers being blown to bits....you are more than likely wasting your time.