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Carey, with implants still looking good, continues to be a moron

NEW YORK -- Mariah Carey, every mustached American’s dream girl, knows her, well, “talent” clashes with her image as a complete and utter idiot.

Yes, she’s been quoted as saying such classics as:

o       “Butterflies are always following me, everywhere I go.”

o       When asked about the death of the King of Jordan, she uttered, “I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time.”

o       And the classic, “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

Sadly though, the pop singer, using a surprising vocabulary, tells Allure magazine she still struggles with her confidence.

"It's a dichotomy, I understand," the 37-year-old said. "I understand that people think I am a ditzy moron."

Yes, well, we are certain sure the large implants or stupid comments have nothing to do with that.

The singer -- who was treated for exhaustion in 2001 after a public meltdown -- said she still struggles with her confidence.

"I've always had really low self-esteem, and I still do," she said. "What's weird about that is being onstage, and the love that you get, and the adoration that you feel from your real fans. It's hard for a partner to compete -- just imagine."

Carey was married to ex-husband Tommy Mottola, the former chairman and CEO of Sony Music Entertainment, whom she certainly didn’t marry for the money or a record deal. Oh yes, she did.

Her next hubby must know where she's coming from and have a complete Webster’s Dictionary collection.

"That's a big deal for me -- feeling like somebody else can't fully understand me because they're not in show business. It shouldn't matter, but it does because the energy it takes to be 'on' is a lot."

Whatever. And while we have no idea what that means, it might still be worth it for a mustached American if you owned ear plugs. 

The AMI will consider sending correspondent Heyseuss Cryst to interview her, but we’re not certain how that one would go.

Published Mar 18 2008, 01:00 PM by afroman
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AMI Administration said:

It is being reported today that Mariah Carey, who as reported previously on the AMI blog could be the

April 2, 2008 10:34 AM

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About afroman

The name “Abe Froman” is most commonly recognized as the ubiquitous and unseen character who’s identity is briefly assumed by actor Matthew Broderick in the film “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.” However, Abraham Froman is much more. Dr. Froman, a Capricorn, began his career with AMI as an intern, and after receiving his certification in nuclear mustacheology in 2006, transitioned his role into the organization’s Director of Logistical Intelligence, focusing on research, government relations, intelligence gathering, grass roots advocacy, and song writing. On October 25, 2008, he will ascend to the role of Chief Executive Officer. “I am honored to assume the chair held by Drs. Snor and Perlut previously,” Froman said. “The Mustached American people need leadership, and I pledge that AMI, under my stewardship, will continue to provide it at a time when it is so desperately needed.” Dr. Froman has said that his future goals for AMI are to create satellite campus’s overseas and to develop an annual event, to be known as "The Million Mustache March," each year in St. Louis, concluding under the world’s largest mustache – St. Louis’ Gateway Arch. Froman formerly lived in the Chicago area where he ran a museum dedicated to the "Karate Kid" series of films starring the indefatigable Pat Morita. As Abe likes to say, "One can never tire of Pat Morita." Dr. Froman is also a periodic contributor to joesportsfan.com.
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