Editor's note: the following letter was sent by The American Mustache Institute to the National Football League petitioning it to move the Super Bowl to Saturday. You can read and view more about it here.
The National Football
League,
On behalf of football fans
everywhere, the American Mustache
Institute asks the NFL move the pinnacle
moment on America's sports
calendar – the Super Bowl – from Sunday to Saturday. You can read and view our
argument on our Web site here, but let us explain.
Purists may argue it would
be heretical to hold the Super Bowl on any day but Sunday, but it is hardly
unprecedented to alter a sports tradition. To wit:
¨
Major League Baseball's World Series was for decades a
daytime event that has since been banished to a time-slot somewhere near
Letterman and Leno so that 10-year-olds can't watch their heroes past the second
inning.
¨
Baseball added wild card teams, giving its playoffs a
dimension that creates excitement for every fan (other than the
mustache-deprived Bob Costas).
¨
The time-honored names of several collegiate mascots have
changed to respect the heritage of Native
Americans.
¨
The Super Bowl itself has survived the scheduling shift
from being played exclusively on the last Sunday of January to occasionally on
the first Sunday in February.
¨
You are currently considering moving the Pro-Bowl to the
bye-week between the conference championship games and the Super
Bowl.
¨
And we have it on good authority that Barry Bonds will
not be using steroids next season, one of the more revolutionary changes in
sports over the past decade.
You may ask why the vaunted
organization representing the rights of the mustached American would make such a
request, and the answer lies in who we represent.
The mustached American is a
varied breed. Where in the 1970s we were newsmen, politicians, and members of
the Village People – today we are carpenters, steel workers, motocross riders,
and the current line-up of the Village People.
In short, we are everyman.
And we love nothing more
than our football – NFL football – which
has been proudly represented by mustached Americans in Super Bowls from Joe
Namath to Walter Payton to Jack Lambert to Mike Ditka to Doug Williams and the
list goes on and on.
We believe great sports
traditions can be altered if there is value in doing so. And indeed, a recently
completed poll of heavily mustached restaurateurs, sports fans, non-sports fans,
and one man from Mobile, Alabama claiming to be a "leprechaun" overwhelmingly
suggests that there is not only support for holding the Super Bowl on Saturday,
but that both the American culture and economy would benefit.
Consider:
¨
Super Bowl parties would become grander events, providing
more social interaction, which often gets left behind in today's hurried
American society.
¨
Party hosts would buy more food and beverages to
accommodate a greater number of guests, thus benefiting grocery stores and
other merchants.
¨
More non-sports fans would attend these parties, enjoying
greater social interaction with their friends, because they would no longer have
to work the next day (with the exception of Christian clergy).
¨
And without work the next day, hosts could relax a bit
more, enjoy the game and good company of their guests, feeling less pressure to
clean up that night.
¨
If more non-football fans are watching, the networks gain
more overall viewers, translating into their
ability to charge more for advertising (think how much better $10 million
commercials would be!).
¨
Restaurants and bars may have a steady flow of business
on Sunday nights, but just imagine the immense traffic and revenues from a truly
Super Saturday.
Finally, consider the issue
of workplace productivity. Employers won't have to deal with employees strolling
in late for work because they stayed up late on Sunday night watching the Super
Bowl.
Mustached Americans believe
the premiere showcase of America's pastime would be
well-served – as we believe would all of our bare-lipped brethren and the
business community – to move the entrenched tradition that is the Super Bowl to
Saturday.
Much like holding a playoff
for the NCAA Division I college football national championship, it would seem
like one of those changes that is such an obvious improvement you wonder why
it's never been done before.
Thank you for your
consideration.
Sincerely,
Dan
Callahan
Dr. Daniel T.
Callahan
Director of
Research
The American Mustache
Institute
info@AmericanMustacheInstitute.org
http://www.AmericanMustacheInstitute.org
"...a
mustache is a terrible thing to shave"