Part-time troll as well as director of administration, finance, and legal affairs for AMI, greasy haired musician Vijoy Rao is finally getting his due for his music talents as the deplorable St. Louis Post Dispatch reports today. Rao and his backing band - the unimaginatively named "The Removers" (better off going with "The Solid Gold Dancer Predators") - will play this Friday, January 18, at the Pageant Theater, one of St. Louis' finest music venues.
Sadly, the Post-Dispatch's photo of him does not allow readers to see Rao's new mustache - the Adolf Hitler-styled "dictator" or "toothbrush" mustache. But hooray for Vijoy, who is a good friend, a mustache pioneer, a solid musician, and a three-time felon.
In between being tossed at a troll-tossing competition, Rao found time in his busy schedule to sit down with AMI for a quick interview:
AMI: So it seems like you are really coming into your own as a musician. How does it feel?
Rao: How about I stomp on your head? That's how it feels. Jerk.
AMI: Who would you compare your sound to?
Rao: I'm big on Neil Sedaka and Engelbert Humperdinck. They have been very influential in my emotional and spiritual journey. Plus, they are all man. And so am i.
AMI: Is it just us, or do you get sick of hearing about people's "incredible journey" on every reality TV finale?
Rao: Screw you.
AMI: If you could make love to a water moccasin, would you, and for that matter, should you?
Rao: I do what I want, when I want, where I want, and how I want. Next question.
AMI: Should Ike Turner be best remembered as a great musician, wife-beater, mustached American, or coke-head?
Rao: I used to dance at a ladies caberet in Geneva until they found out I was, well, next question please.
AMI: Where do you buy your socks. Those are really sporty.
Rao: I was walking through a desolate train station in Newark, New Jersey, simply looking for a restroom. I stumbled upon this homeless man covered in boxes and fish. All I could really see was brown cardboard, white paper, and silver fish scales. And then I saw these rainbow socks with the toes and said, 'Those are mine.' So I hit him over the head with my guitar, which broke, took the socks, and skipped to the nearest men's room.
AMI: Finally, leave us with the lyrics you've written that you enjoyed more than any others.
Rao: I sing the songs that makes the whole world sing, I sing the song......
AMI: Um, Mr. Rao, that sounds like.....
Rao: How about I stomp on your throat and douse my cigarette butt in your mustache?
AMI: Thank you for your time.