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Chuck Norris, and his hairpiece, sue publisher named after tasty animals

 

Actor's wig says his tears are not a cancer cure, disappointing dozens

 

NEW YORK – Saying his tears can only cure herpes but that they are not yet able to cure cancer, tough-guy actor and martial arts expert Chuck Norris, along with his hairpiece, sued publisher Penguin on Friday over a book he claims unfairly exploits his famous name, based on a satirical Internet list of "mythical facts" about him.

 

Penguin, named for the delicious animals, published "The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World's Greatest Human" in November. Author Ian Spector and two Web sites he runs to promote the book, including www.truthaboutchuck.com, are also named in the suit.

 

The book capitalizes on "mythical facts" that have been circulating on the Internet since 2005 that poke fun at Norris' tough-guy image and super-human abilities, Norris’ hairpiece said during a news conference.

 

It includes such humorous "facts" as "Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried" and "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits," the lawsuit states, as well as "Chuck Norris can charge a cell phone by rubbing it against his beard."

 

"Despite being hilarious and great for toilet reading, some of the 'facts' in the book are racist, lewd or portray Mr. Norris as engaged in illegal activities…like curing cancer with tears," the lawsuit alleges.

 

Norris, who rose to fame in the 1970s and 1980s as the star of such films as "The Delta Force" and "Missing in Action," says the book's title would mislead readers into thinking the facts were true – or extremely funny.

 

"Defendants have misappropriated and exploited Mr. Norris's hairpiece, mustache, name and likeness without authorization for their own commercial profit," said the lawsuit.

 

Filed in Manhattan federal court by a large, 7'8-high yellow bird wearing a two-piece leopard pattern swimsuit, the lawsuit seeks unspecified monetary damages for trademark infringement, unjust enrichment and privacy rights.

 

Norris, whose real name is Carlos Ray Norris, claims in the suit he is protective of what his name is associated with. He has recently made U.S. headlines for stalking Christie Brinkley, beating down the children’s character “Barney” over a gambling debt, and backing Republican presidential candidate former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee.

 

A spokesman for Penguin, owned by Britain's Pearson, was not immediately available for comment.

Published Dec 23 2007, 08:24 AM by afroman
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Comments

 

Jon Stan LamBam said:

Norris's tears can cure herpes? That's funny. 'Cause in my not-so-humble opinion, those so-called Chuck Norris "Facts" are like a digital herpes that has been spread by the hyper-textually marked-up whore who goes by the name of "Internet." (Hooker hasn't seen a set of fingertips she wouldn't want tickling her "data.") As you state, these facts are nothing but myths. But why would anyone want to build a myth around an ugly son-of-a-beard whose signature strike, a roundhouse kick, doesn't require leaving the bosom of Mother Earth?

That's why I decided to dig up some facts of my own--legit, tested by the scientific method, presentable in the court of law type truths--about the man whose trademark, villain vanquishing move is a 360-degree, legs split like Moses did the Red Sea, postcard to Mother Earth that reads "The view is great from up here! Father Sky says he still has feelings for you but thinks the separation was for the best. Be back before you know it. Sincerely, Jean-Claude Van Damme."

That's right. J-C-V-D. The Muscles from Brussels who's got buns that can crack a walnut--and break a woman's heart at the same time. Is that one of the facts I've found? No; it's still being tested in the lab. But here's one that's been verified: Van Damme finished fourth in the 1991 table tennis world championships. He played with the paddle clinched between his butt cheeks. Did you know that Jean-Claude's urine is the number one selling sports drink in Turkey? And the number two selling aphrodisiac? Now you do.

For more Van Damme Facts, click <a href="vandammedojo.blogspot.com/.../chuck-norris-fact-no-thank-you-van.html" target="_blank">here</a> to read my blog post about them.

November 6, 2008 8:38 PM

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About afroman

The name “Abe Froman” is most commonly recognized as the ubiquitous and unseen character who’s identity is briefly assumed by actor Matthew Broderick in the film “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.” However, Abraham Froman is much more. Dr. Froman, a Capricorn, began his career with AMI as an intern, and after receiving his certification in nuclear mustacheology in 2006, transitioned his role into the organization’s Director of Logistical Intelligence, focusing on research, government relations, intelligence gathering, grass roots advocacy, and song writing. On October 25, 2008, he will ascend to the role of Chief Executive Officer. “I am honored to assume the chair held by Drs. Snor and Perlut previously,” Froman said. “The Mustached American people need leadership, and I pledge that AMI, under my stewardship, will continue to provide it at a time when it is so desperately needed.” Dr. Froman has said that his future goals for AMI are to create satellite campus’s overseas and to develop an annual event, to be known as "The Million Mustache March," each year in St. Louis, concluding under the world’s largest mustache – St. Louis’ Gateway Arch. Froman formerly lived in the Chicago area where he ran a museum dedicated to the "Karate Kid" series of films starring the indefatigable Pat Morita. As Abe likes to say, "One can never tire of Pat Morita." Dr. Froman is also a periodic contributor to joesportsfan.com.
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