in

American Mustache Institute

Protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, mustached Americans by promoting the growth, care, and culture of the mustache.

Follow the AMI

This Blog

Syndication

AMI 2009

The Case for Landry Jones

Going into this college football season, there were three prohibitive favorites to win the Heisman Trophy, and all were quarterbacks:  Florida Gators FOJ (Friend of Jesus) Tim Tebow, the Texas Longhorns' Pony McCoy, and last year's winner, Sam Bradford of Oklahoma.

The stage was set for a solid, season long Heisman race between the three until BYU linebacking Mormon Coleby Clawson, in the first game of the season, drove Bradford into the ground with a crushing hit that injured Bradford's shoulder.

And while all Bradford could do was stand helplessly on the sideline and watch his team ultimately fall to the Slingin' Bigamists, even in defeat, a hero as born.

Enter Landry Jones, Mustached American.

Certainly it wasn't the redshirt freshman's paltry 6 of 12 completions or his 51 yards that earned him hero status. It was, quite simply, his lower nose accoutrement delicately scattered across his upper lip. 

As we conveyed yesterday to Jake Trotter of the Oklahoman, unlike Mule McCoy, who shamefully shaved his labia sebucula (Latin for "lip sweater) a few weeks ago -- ruining both his Heisman and national championship hopes -- Jones has proven to be a true descendant of Mustached American stock with the power and grit of Chuck Norris riding atop an silver back gorilla on acid.

He might not be a Heisman candidate, but certainly should garner consideration for the Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year honor.

Indeed, Jones wears his mouth brow with power and wisdom, and as he progresses through the season and capably fills in for Bradford -- who suffers from Bare Upper Lip Disorder (BULD) -- we know that he will not only yet again prove that there is no greater performance enhancer than the mustache, but he will represent people of Mustached American descent with a strong resolve, great athleticism, quick thinking, and of course, good looks.

Carry on.

 

 


 

Comments

 

OU Fan said:

Yes! This is a call to all OU fans. All young and old, male and female, citizen and illegal: RISE TOGETHER AND WEAR YOUR STACHE WITH PRIDE.

September 16, 2009 8:51 AM
 

Tanner said:

Wow! What a fresh of breath air it is to discover that an establishment as formidable as AMI is already supporting Landry Jones and his freshly unshorn lip lawn. Like my father before me, and his mother before him, I've proudly sported my mouth pelt in the face of adversity, and I respect anybody willing to do the same. What a fierce display of mustacheleticism!

September 16, 2009 11:14 AM

Leave a Comment

(required)  
(optional)
(required)  
Add

About afroman

The name “Abe Froman” is most commonly recognized as the ubiquitous and unseen character who’s identity is briefly assumed by actor Matthew Broderick in the film “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.” However, Dr. Abraham Jonas Froman is much more. Dr. Froman, a Capricorn, began his career with AMI as an intern, and after receiving his certification in nuclear mustacheology in 2006, transitioned his role into the organization’s Director of Logistical Intelligence, focusing on research, government relations, intelligence gathering, grass roots advocacy, and song writing. On October 25, 2008, he ascended to the role of Chief Executive Officer. “I am honored to assume the chair held by Drs. Snor and Perlut previously,” Froman said. “The Mustached American people need leadership, and I pledge that AMI, under my stewardship, will continue to provide it at a time when it is so desperately needed.” Dr. Froman has said that his future goals for AMI are to create satellite campus’s overseas and to develop an annual event, to be known as "The Million Mustache March," each year in St. Louis, concluding under the world’s largest mustache – St. Louis’ Gateway Arch. Froman formerly lived in the Chicago area where he ran a museum dedicated to the "Karate Kid" series of films starring the indefatigable Pat Morita. As Abe likes to say, "One can never tire of Pat Morita." Dr. Froman is also a periodic contributor to joesportsfan.com.
© 2007 American Mustache Institute
Powered by Community Server (Non-Commercial Edition), by Telligent Systems