The Salt Lake City Tribune is reporting that Murray City, Utah Mayor Dan Snarr, pictured at right with former American Idol contestant and future fire starter David Archuleta, "might be kissing his famous mustache goodbye."
Apparently, the robust looking mayor with the dapper lip sweater is considering this dastardly deed as part of a fundraiser for Children's Miracle Network, and Murray residents can cast their votes through May 16 at an area Costco store.
The American Mustache Institute has reached out to the major, seeking to bring him to his senses. Our correspndence is below:
Mayor Snarr,
It has come to the attention of the American Mustache Institute that
you are allowing the people of Murray City to determine if you will
shave your mustache, and we must lodge an official protest.
Certainly, we admire your intentions and community-oriented spirit, as
we understand this potential shaving of your lip garment would be part
of a fundraiser for the Children's Miracle Network.
However, what you must understand - and clearly do not - is that as a
Mustached American in a position of authority, you represent much more
than simply the good people of Murray.
No, you represent a community of downtrodden Americans - Mustached
Americans - for whom you stand as a sign that we are not only fit to
hold positions in waste collection, motorcycle repair, and hospital
equipment maintenance. You are proof that a Mustached American can be a
mayor, a leader, a respected beacon of excellence.
Additionally, let us also remind you what it states in the texts of the
Dead Sea Scrolls and is also referenced in Leviticus. And that is, each
time a mustache is shaved, an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth.
Therefore, with these factors in mind, we ask that you recant this
consideration of shaving your pristine mustache, and ensure that it
garnishes your stiff upper lip for all of the citizens of Murray to
enjoy.
Instead, we would propose you take other actions to fulfill this same
promise to the Children's Miracle Network. This could include shaving
your head, your back, or committing to not clipping your toenails for
up to eight months.
Clearly, there are many other options, and we ask that you choose one
instead of letting a national community of people down. The choice is
yours.
Thank you,
Dr. Abraham Jonas Froman
Chief Exective Officer
The American Mustache Institute
(877) STACHE-1
To read coverage from the Associated Press on this issue, read here. And if you'd like to write to Mayor Snarr and urge him against shaving his mouth tent, do so at dsnarr@murray.utah.gov.
Carry on.