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AMI 2009

Roses are Red, Man

One of the many complaints leveled against George W. Bush was his utter lack of linguistic ability. In fact, when he wasn’t getting shoes thrown at his face, the now ex-president often found a way to put his foot in his mouth.

Unfortunately, this affliction wasn’t resigned to Bush alone. At times it seemed to infect those around him, including his would-be Republican successor – as something of a verbal virus.

However, all that apparently came to an end last Tuesday, January 20, 2009 when Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States.

Even his most ardent critics would not dare deny that President Obama is an extraordinary orator, capable of moving large crowds of ordinary citizens and objective journalists to tears.

Clearly, this is part of the change, hope, and change that everyone was yearning for.  Thus far, neither President Obama nor his cohorts have disappointed, for it is quite obvious that we have risen to a new level of discourse in this country.

At no time was this fact more evident than when listening to the eloquent, if not coherent, poem recited by the Reverend Joseph Lowery during President Obama’s Inaugural Benediction.

At the end of his benediction, the Reverend Lowery broke into the following verse:

Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day…

When black will not be asked to get back
When brown can stick around
When yellow will be mellow
When the red man can get ahead, man
And when white will embrace what is right

This subtle yet revealing rhyme will no doubt go down in American history as one of the most thought-provoking on the subject of race relations, perhaps since “The Sneetches” by Theodore Seuss Geisel or “It’s Not Easy Being Green” by Kermit the Frog.

What many folks probably don’t realize is that the poem recited by the Reverend Lowery is not an original piece. It’s actually an adaptation of the work of a little-known environmentalist poet, who once penned this little ditty on the subject of water conservation:

If it's yellow, let it mellow
If it's brown, flush it down
If it's red, you're likely dead
If it's green, eat less bean
If it's clear, you drank too much beer
If it’s white, it’s probably a tapeworm

Of course, inspirational poetry has been a staple of presidential inaugurations since George Washington sailed across the Potomac River on John Adams’ boat, which coincidentally is where we get term “john boat”. Go ahead, look it up. I dare you. You know you’re too lazy. That’s what I thought. You’re all talk.

Anyway, who can forget this soul stirrer recited by the Reverend Billy Graham at the inauguration of Gerald Ford? At the time, these infamous lines served to add much needed levity to a nation desperate for healing:

Gene, Gene
Made a machine
And Joe, Joe
Made it go
Art, Art blew a fart
And blew the whole damn thing apart

Years later, this same rousing poem would be used by the New York Police Department to promote an expanded neighborhood watch program, although its impact in this case was not nearly as great.

Of course, the recent past is always the most fresh in our minds. And the days of George W. Bush weren’t all bad. There were good times, such when an overly jubilant Dubya, fresh off a re-election victory in 2004, jumped onto the podium during his own inauguration and lead the nation in song, singing:

I get stupid
I shoot an arrow like Cupid
I use a word that don't mean nothin'
Like looptid
I sang on “Doowhutchalike”
And if ya missed it
I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits
I also told ya that I like to bite
Well, yeah, I guess it's obvious
I also like to write
All ya had to do was give Bushy a chance
And now I'm gonna do my dance

Yes, poetry and verse will always be an integral part of the inauguration ceremony. But with all the change, hope, and change sure to take place in the coming months and years, there will undoubtedly emerge a new kind of rhyme, the likes of which we quite possibly cannot even imagine yet.

On the other hand, it could just be more of the same old song and dance, my friend.

Comments

 

Ricky said:

Surprisingly good piece!

February 1, 2009 8:37 AM

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About biggrubbowski

The Big Grubbowski (or Herbert as he is known to family and friends) is a freelance correspondent for The American Mustache Institute.

His opinions do not necessarily reflect those of the American Mustache Institute, its mustache-related affiliates, or elderly women of Nordic descent ages 59-80. Nor do they necessarily reflect his own opinions. They are, in essence, a total load of crap and should be consumed accordingly.

In his spare time, Herbert enjoys arguing with strangers in public mens rooms, wearing diagonally-striped shirts, and taking long walks off short piers.

If you'd like to read more of his gibberish, you can find it by visiting the Grubb Hub. Now shut up.

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