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American Mustache Institute

Protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, mustached Americans by promoting the growth, care, and culture of the mustache.

2010

  • Help Bring Back the Youk Manchu!

    During this past weekend's "Saturday Night Live", comedian/host Zach Galifianakis did the mustache community proud by shaving his trademark bushy hobo beard down to a very handsome cookie duster.

    Similarly, during last spring's World Baseball Classic, Kevin Youkilis abandoned his goatee and toyed around with a fu manchu that would make the likes of Luis Tiant and Hulk Hogan blush.

    Unfortunately, the werewolf gene present in both "The Hangover" star and the Red Sox first baseman keeps them from donning just the lip sweater.

    This is where you come in.

    The Kevin Youkilis Hits for Kids charity has an interesting proposal over at their website.

    Facial Hair Frenzy
    Your donation is also your vote! Each dollar equals one vote.
    Donate $1 and vote once for your favorite facial hair style. Donate $5 and have 5 votes. Enter the dollar amount you wish to donate in the box below. Be sure to input your favorite facial hair look... "Goatee", "Mustache", "Clean Shaven", "Fu Manchu"... in the "company" box on the form that follows!

    Could this mean that WE, the card carrying members of The American Mustache Institute, Mustache May celebrants and overall mustache enthusiasts actually have a say in what sort of upper lip accoutrement "The Greek God of Walks" might don this season?

    Let's hope so!
     
     
    Jesus Melendez is the lord and savior of The Hall of Very Good.  Feel free to check out his other musings over, um...there. 
  • Mustache March Events Forge On

    As our good friend Nate "Tank" Heath always reminds us each year at this time, Mustache March is the most wonderful month of the year, celebrated by thousands and thousands of men (and a few special women) around the world who have a true respect for the most elegant of all facial hair types, the mustache.

    And as Chicagoans are apt to do, there is a mustache party on the horizon to celebrate the aforementioned Mustache March.  On March 31, group of somewhat short-sighted students at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business will hold their second annual mustache contest for....well....University of Chicago students......with all of the wealth that college students have......to raise money for the American Cancer Society.

    The American Mustache Institute fully endorses this event, and while we're not quite sure why a charitable event would not be opened to anyone and everyone who would want to join in on such a grand occasion -- so that they could raise as much money as possible -- at least it is for a very good cause, and, as the event flier says, will give "a middle finger to corporate America."

    Indeed.

    It will be held from 8 - 11 p.m. at Wise Fools Pub at 2270 N. Lincoln Avenue in Chicago. Cost is $5 at the door and a committee of Dave Navarro-hating ladies from the Booth School of Business will be judging the labia sebuculas (Latin for "lip sweaters").

    For more information, contact Stephanie Craig at scraig1@chicagobooth.edu or visit the event's Facebook page

    Carry on.

     

  • Boston Continues Strong Mustache Commitment with 826 'Stache-A-Thon

    Boston has always brought the mustache strong. Hell, even the late Brad Delp, lead singer of 1970s and 80s rock band Boston, had a nice cookie dusting machine of petulance across his upper lip.

    The newest entry on the Boston lower nose garden scene is "The 826 Boston Moustache-A-Thon," which is being called an epic contest of follicular fortitude. The event kicked off on Monday, February 15th with its rousing 2010 Opening Ceremonies, and for six weeks, 70 brave participants will refuse to shave their upper lips in support of 826 Boston’s free youth writing and tutoring programs for students ages 6-18. Growers include electronic band Passion Pit and comedian Rob Crean, and you can read more about them and the contest on the Moustache-a-Thon blog.

    What is 826 Boston? Another worthy American Mustache Institute supported cause.

    Located in Roxbury’s Egleston Square, 826 Boston teaches creative and expository writing to students age 6 to 18, and helps teachers inspire their students to write. In 2009, 826 Boston published student writing in The Boston Globe, The New York Times, and in numerous books. This year, 826 Boston’s free writing and tutoring programs will reach over 2,000 students and provide more than 7,500 hours of one-on-one support.

    You can help support 826 Boston’s growing community of young writers by growing a large, untamed labia sebucula (Latin for "lip sweater").

    Carry on.

  • Heavy Mustache Weekend Culminates At Indigo Joe's Mustache Madness Bash

    As AMI should, our organization often posts about mustache happenings going on about the country, and the weekend beginning Feb. 26 will kick-off a mustache-heavy series of events in St. Louis, which is apropos as the city is home to the world's largest mustache -- the Gateway Arch.

    We already told you about the extravaganza that will be TNA Wrestling's "Hogan-Fu Fest on Friday, Feb. 26. The next day, Indigo Joe's Sports Pub & Restaurant in the St. Louis suburb of Wildwood will host the "Mustache Madness Bash," a benefit for children with cancer.

    Prizes will be awarded for "Longest Mustache," the "Fullest Mustache," the "Most Unique Mustache," a "Best Peach Fuzz Stache," and for the ladies -- a "Best Costume with a Mustache." Participants are asked to send "before" photos to MustacheMadnessBash@yahoo.com.

    The evening will also include live music, one free shot for Mustached Americans, as well as drink specials for all – especially for those wearing one of the fake mustaches that will be given out to everyone coming through the Indigo Joe's door.

    For more information or questions, call Indigo Joe's at (636) 458-4900.

    Carry on. 

     



  • AMI to Welcome Hulk Hogan To St. Louis

    Under the American Mustache Institute's new policy, those wishing to transport a fully-bloomed upper lip garment over state lines within 1,000 feet of the world's largest mustache -- St. Louis' Gateway Arch -- must first receive approval from AMI.

    Respectfully understanding this rule, Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling recently requested and received permission to bring Hulk Hogan and his fabled Fu Manchu lip sweater to St. Louis for the inaugural “Hogan Fu-Fest”, scheduled for Friday, February 26 at 2 p.m. CT at Mike Shannon’s Steak and Seafood (620 Market Street)..  The “Hogan Fu-Fest” will be a gathering of Fu’s from around the world as TNA Wrestling and Hogan attempt to set a world record for the most Fu Manchu’s in one location at one time. 

    The most robust or creative fu's will win ringside tickets to "TNA Lockdown 2010", the pay-per-view extravaganza from Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling, set for Sunday night, April 18 at the Family Arena in nearby St. Charles, Mo.

    "The Mustached American community of St. Louis is honored to welcome the world-renowned mustache of the man himself, Hulk Hogan," AMI chairman Dr. Aaron Perlut told Hogan in a recent phone discussion. "Biblical texts suggest that it is indeed a dangerous proposition - on par with hurricanes, tsunamis, or earthquakes - to bring together the two largest mustaches in the world, worn by Hulk Hogan and the Gateway Arch."
     
    The AMI will be honoring the Hulkster at the “Hogan Fu-Fest” for his long-standing upper-lip hair(s).

    "The Power of The Fu is unstoppable," Hogan told Dr. Perlut.  "The Gateway Arch was fu-turistic when it was built.  Today it embodies the spirit of Hulkamaniacs worldwide."

    Hogan is personally inviting anyone with a real-life Fu to attend - and also anyone who is creative.  “Hogan Fu-Fest” attendees are welcome to draw, build or buy a Fu for the event.  TNA Wrestling also will supply fake fu's for those who need one for the event, as TNA is hoping to set a world record at Hogan Fu-Fest.

    "Even I will sport a Fu to support Hogan," said TNA Wrestling President Dixie Carter.

    Tickets for "TNA Lockdown" go on sale Friday, February 26, at www.MetroTix.com, the Family Arena box office or charge by phone at 314-534-1111.  (For more information visit www.TNAWrestling.com.)

    For more information about the "Hogan Fu-Fest" call the AMMI at 877-STACHE-1 or call Mike Shannon’s Steak and Seafood at (314) 421-1540.

    Carry on.

     

  • Support Link

    There are many Links out there. The Missing Link, as well as our favorite --  "Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp." After all, who doesn't like primates with mustaches?

    Then, there's Link Neal of Rhett & Link, the moderately amusing, pro-mustache, North Carolina-based comedy duo. And yes, while Link has the same John Edwards-fashioned haircut worn by 94 percent of the greater Raleigh-metropolitan area that is law in the Triangle Region, he does not deserve the harsh criticism being hurled at him by the propaganda-pushing, leftist, clean-shaven mortal community that is unwilling to comprehend nor embrace the Mustached American way of life.

    While Link is not of Mustached American heritage, he has seen the light over the past year. Indeed, witnessing his virility drop at a perilous rate, he turned to the American Mustache Institute to carefully craft and develop Mustached American capabilities. Through our work over the past year, Link developed a cookie dusting implement of lip warmth, improved his good looks by 42 percent, and boosted his virility 68 percent thus saving his marriage.

    But there has been backlash by the Rhett & Link followers. As Link recently wrote to AMI:

    Being as I am an internetainer, my face is a public matter. And, as it turns out, an updated configuration of my facial hair is quite the grounds for controversy and conversation. Of course I anticipated feedback. But I did not anticipate that the vast majority of it would be negative. And I am deeply troubled that in the eyes of many, I am now associated with (a) actors in films noted for dubious content or (b) men who should not be allowed near playgrounds. As a modest man and father of three, this deeply troubles me.

    For those of us in the Mustached American community, this is troubling. Not that Link's labia sebucula (Latin for "lip sweater") is being associated with pornographic actors -- as we take pride in that. But we have lived a life rife with discrimination, and while we would like to pretend it doesn't hurt, it indeed leaves a scar that can have a lasting impact. 

    We ask to you view this video, in which Link discusses the feedback he has received, and then this video, in which you'll notice Link reduced his original Horseshoe-style cookie duster to
    a Chevron-style mustache.

    Don't let these vast volumes of criticism is take their toll on Link. He needs to hear from you -- Mustached Americans -- in support of his flavor saving lifestyle the benefits it will provide him for years to come. Comment on the videos, or through the Rhett & Link Facebook page. Sound-off.

    Do not let down Link, nor our way of life. 

    Carry on.

     

     

  • A Mustached Perspective on Super Bowl XXXXIV

    Super Bowl XXXXIV has come and gone.

    And while you know we would rather see it on a Saturday night, so that we would not have to be stumbling through our offices this morning, it was a least a relatively interesting match up between the Saints and Colts. 

    But the Mustached American has a different perspective than our clean-shaven counterparts, so we offer our thoughts on what was somewhat of a disappointing Super Bowl broadcast.

    • Thank you to the good people at Emerald Nuts and Pop Secret for being one of the few, if only, advertisers to feature a person of Mustached American descent wearing a cape.
    • CBS excels at shameless promotion.
    • The NFC has won the coin flip 13 straight times.
    • Not only were those six-inch heels Carrie Underwood was wearing a bit disturbing, in all of her Christian aura, but the girl is clearly due for a set of implants. It's coming.
    • Jim Nance is incapable of expressing enthusiasm which is why he keeps a mime in his bedroom to express excitement for him during sex.
    • We had great anticipation for the Tim Tebow pro-life commercial, and instead what we got was closeups of his mother's disturbing manicure. 
    • And the ads in general -- typically the highlight of the broadcast -- were the worst ever. Bud Light has lost its soul and now could not find funny in a pair of Eddie Murphy's silk underpants from the 1980s.
    • Taco Bell has always been a supporter of the Mustached American way of life. But despite his debonair pencil thin, Charles Barkley has never looked so thick and juicy and should never be shown in public rapping again.
    • Never has a Super Bowl had so many players with names that represent regions: Austin Collie, Dallas Clark, Roman Harper, Reggie Bush.
    • Two Manhattans, three beers, and four slices of pizza are perhaps the perfect sustenance for a football game.  
    Carry on.
  • Roller Chicks Who Dig The 'Stache

    Mustached Americans dig chicks. We especially dig chicks who dig mustaches. And and chicks on wheels who dig mustaches -- Good Lord!

    One group of hot, dirty, and relatively delicious of chicks who have great appreciation for people of Mustached American descent are the The Smashinistas, a team in the St. Louis based all-female roller derby league Arch Rival Roller Girls.

    The Smashinistas are such lovers of the labia sebucula (Latin for "lip sweater") that the team quasi-mascot is a mustache -- Smashie Stachie. That does not suck.

    This Saturday, February 6, in their second game of the season, The Smashinistas will face off against the equally delicious, yet not as nutritious team -- The M-80s. The match will be held at the Upper Deck Sports Bar in St. Louis and promises a tremendous amount of girl-on-girl action.....which does not suck.

    Tickets are $10 and kids under ten are free. Afterward, the league hosts a party with the teams with high quality drink and food specials throughout the entire gig.

    Tickets are available at the door or via Brown Paper tickets.

    Carry on.

  • New Interview with "Badass" Author

    From actors to major league baseball players to TV hosts to pathetically worthless musicians (Dave Navarro) to authors -- the American Mustache Institute has sought to use its Montly Mustache Interview feature to bring you a ridiculous string of discussions with a broad group of people.

    This time around we speak to a new AMI favorite -- author Ben Thompson whose best-selling pamphlet "Badass" is a must read if you appreciate the badass peoples of earth which of course includes -- and is currently led by -- Mustached Americans. 

    See our interview with Ben HERE.

    Carry on.

     

     

  • AMI Renews Push to Move Super Bowl to Saturday

    As we do each year at this time, and with the Super Bowl set for next Sunday in Miami, this week the American Mustache Institute renews its push to move the Super Bowl to Saturday.  While you can view our white paper and video on this issue here on our site, let us lay out our argument for you, and at the end of this post we urge you to follow the link to our online petition.

    The Argument

    Football in the United States has become an essential part of our national fabric. Athletes are heroes to the young and old and games have become American traditions on par with apple pie, political polarization, or cell phone-induced distracted driving.

    The Super Bowl has arguably evolved into the pinnacle moment on America's sports calendar. It has become a sports holiday. But like most great traditions, is there a way to make it even better? Indeed there is.

    Without question, the NFL should to move the Super Bowl to Saturday.

    Yes, purists may argue it would be heretical to hold the Super Bowl on any day but Sunday, but it's hardly unprecedented to alter a sports tradition.Superbowlsaturdayhorz150dpi

    Consider the Super Bowl was once held in January, and not February as it is today. The World Series and NBA Championship were for decades daytime events that have since been banished to a time-slot somewhere near Letterman so that 10-year-olds can't watch their heroes. Major League Baseball added wild card teams, giving its playoffs a dimension that creates broader interest. And the NFL just moved its Pro Bowl to the week before the Super Bowl for the first time since its inception.

    It is clear that great sports traditions can clearly be altered if there is value in doing so. And in a survey by the American Mustache Institute of its 2,000-plus members, nearly 80 percent said they would support moving the Super Bowl to Saturday.

    There are both economic and social reasons supporting such a move.

    • Kids could stay up later to see their heroes compete in the big game.
    • Super Bowl would become grander events, providing more social interaction, which often gets left behind in today's hurried society.
    • Party hosts would buy more food and beverages to accommodate grander events, thus benefiting grocery stores and other merchants.
    • More non-sports fans would attend these parties, enjoying greater social interaction with their friends, because they would no longer have to work the next day.
    • And without work the next day, hosts could relax a bit more, enjoy the game and good company of their guests, feeling less pressure to clean up that night.
    • If more non-football fans are watching, the networks gain more overall viewers, translating into their ability to charge more for advertising.
    • Restaurants and bars may have a steady flow of business on Sunday nights, but just imagine the immense traffic and revenues from a truly Super Saturday.
    • As the NFL seeks to globalize the game, the game would end at an earlier, more reasonable time (the Super Bowl currently ends at 5 a.m. in some European countries).
    • Finally, we must consider the issue of productivity in the workplace. Employers won't have to deal with employees strolling in late for work because they stayed up late watching the Super Bowl.

    Much like holding a playoff for the NCAA Division I college football national championship or bringing back the TV show "ALF," moving the Super Bowl to Saturday seems like one of those changes that is such an obvious improvement, that you wonder why it's never been done before.

    Join us in petitioning the National Football League to move the Super Bowl to Saturday HERE.

    Carry on.

     

  • Governor John Hoeven: Save our Race

    Today on our partner site Asylum.com, I recount the tragic deaths in the Mustached communites during the past year and make a special plea to the great Mustached American and North Dakota Governor -- and U.S. Senate hopeful -- John Hoeven (pictured at right). 

    Read more HERE.

    Carry on.

     

     

  • Palombo's Mustache Shines Like Freedom on Guilford College Campus

    On Saturday, January 16, more than 1,000 Guilford College fans filed into the schools basketball arena, Regan-Brown Field House, to watch their Quakers take on the Virginia Wesleyan Marlins in a battle to stand atop the Old Dominion Athletic Conference.

    Guilford was led into battle by 7th-year coach Tom Palombo who, among other things, is known for having a strong game plan, a high quality collection of soft-core primate pornography, and his longstanding flavor saving instrument of justice that rests upon his upper lip like a Spring morning's gentle dew. 

    Palombo’s "Chevron" style labia sebucula (Latin for "lip sweater") and his dapper purple dress shirts have become things of legend around the Guilford campus, and for the first time Quaker fans had the opportunity to honor his immaculate lower nose bushel. 

    And while there were accusations from the administration, faculty, and the dwarf that sleeps behind The Ragsdale House that "Tom Palombo Mustache Day" was an idea driven by Palombo's mustache itself and its self-aggrandized interests to gain national acclaim as an industry-leading cookie duster, it was instead the students that drove this holiday of mass proportions.

    Wisely, the event was pre-approved by the American Mustache Institute and inspired by similar celebratory events held by the New York Yankees for Jason Giambi, the New York Mets for Keith Hernandez, the Anaheim Ducks for George Parros, and the producers of "The Golden Girls" for the late Estelle Getty. Fans received free, good-looking mustaches as they entered the gates, and "Tom Palombo Mustache Day" was a joyous occasion for drunken students, red-heads, contradictory right-wing Christians, and Nicaraguan refugees alike. 

    Indeed, more than 350 mustaches were distributed to the crowd and fans and Quaker-haters wore them together in unision in support of the great sacrifices made by the Mustached American people on behalf of all Americans.  A student mustache competition was held which awarded the best natural and fake mustaches that the students could grow or create from barley and armpit hair. And Utah-born polygamist  and backup center Justin Stafford -- who many of his friends believe came of out the womb with a full beard -- even grew out a mouth curtain of his own for the occasion (rumored to be so powerful that it rivaled the mastery of Palombo himself). 

    In the end, the Quakers -- led by the Palombo nose drapings -- defeated the Marlins 71-56, proving once again that there is no greater performance enhancer than the mustache.

    Carry on. 

     

     

  • The Significance of Dr. King

    This past Monday, amateur Southern historians and racism enthusiasts in Richmond, Virginia, celebrated Confederate army generals Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson. In Richmond this contradictory holiday is known as "Lee, Jackson, King Day."

    The rest of the nation –- the relatively sane, non-Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson part of the nation -- solely paid homage to the aforementioned "King," which of course is the civil rights pioneer Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

    Dr. King, of course, was best known as the iconic martyr who led the 1955 Montgomery Bus Boycott and helped found the Southern Christian Leadership Conference in 1957.

    And aside from being the youngest person to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his work to end racial segregation and discrimination through civil disobedience, in the Mustached American community, Dr. King played a role that has gone largely unreported and unappreciated.

    Indeed, it has been well documented that after the 1970s, the mustache nearly became extinct in American society. Why was that? 

    Well, because of Americans’ discomfort in discussing matters of race, only half the story has been told.

    It is true that beginning in 1981, white America – feeling the mustache was out of vogue and that it should be left as a relic of the disco era -- left the mustache behind along with such cultural relics as turtlenecks, perms and Jimmy Carter’s dignity.

    Black America, however, did not.  The mustache continued to be a signature accoutrement among black men of all ages. And this was a direct result of black leaders -- namely, the likes of Dr. King, Medgar Evers and Malcolm X, all of whom were people of Mustached American descent.

    So this week, when you think of everything Dr. King accomplished – from his civil rights leadership to opposing the Vietnam War – remember that when he was assassinated on that dark day on April 4, 1968, in Memphis, Tennessee, America was robbed of more than just a great American.

    We were robbed of a great Mustached American.

    Carry on. 

     

     

  • Are You Man Enough?

    The following cartoon was created by Phil McAndrew who's work can be found here. Support this mustache-loving artist and make a small donation to him here.

     

     

     

     

     

  • A Reexamination of the Beard

    It is a new year, and as we all do at the dawn of a fresh 365 days, it is a time to resolve ourselves to reform, improvement, excelling in areas in which we previously failed, develop even greater levels of mustache-driven good looks, and reducing our hatred of Dave Navarro.

    But as we cannot minimize our disdain for the worthless Navarro, as the chairman of this austere organization, I believe it is time to reexamine our priorities for the next decade beginning with our longstanding position on beards.

    As American Mustache Institute loyalists, former U.N. Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali, and Gavin McInnes have come to understand, in the past AMI has dismissed beards as a "spousal compromise." Our position has been that the beard represented the halfway meeting point between the utter weakness of the clean shaven, and the sheer, unbridled power of the Mustached American.

    However, upon deeper thought, prayer, and discussions with members of the U.S. beard community and former speaker of the House of Representatives Newt Gingrich, while I still consider the goatee constitutes this plateau of pathetic weakness and nuanced hipster metrosexuality -- where your spouse, girlfriend or life partner suggests they cannot deal with the vast awesomeness of the mustache but that a goatee is acceptable -- I believe the beard to represent an equal level of facial hair commitment, strength, and power as does the sexually adventuresome Mustached American lifestyle. 

    As a symbol of my commitment to this new viewpoint and my willingness to extend an olive branch to the beard community, I have grown a beard so that for the time being I can live the life of a bearded American and understand the lifestyle, concerns, challenges and flavor saveability.

    I sincerely hope that my bearded brethren will take this new commitment at face value, and work with the American Mustache Institute on forging new bonds in creating a "big tent" for peoples with facial hair worldwide. 

    Carry on.

     

     

     


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