Dreams of Mustached Mascot of the Year

September 8th, 2010

I’m a dreamer. And much like our fascination for Mr. T causes me to repeatedly dream I’m his sidekick in “A-Team” episodes, I’ve always dreamed of being a mascot. To be large, fluffy, and with a permanent expression no matter what the situation – cool under pressure akin to Chuck Norris even when surrounded by a troupe of Lithuanian assassins with eye patches. It doesn’t get much better.

Paydirt Pete

Despite this fascination, the Mustached American community has some mild concerns about the premier mascot showcase — the Capital One Mascot Championship – concerns that are being discussed with willing, open-minded officials at the highest levels of Capital One, as well as with the United Coalition of College Mascots.

While this year’s Capital One All-America Mascot Team is broader than ever and ranges from the glitz of UCLA’s Joe Bruin to the mononymous Monte of the University of Montana, just two of the 16-mascot-team have mustaches: the University of Idaho’s Joe Vandal and the University of Texas El Paso’s Paydirt Pete.  That’s only 12.5 percent.

So as the mascot team competes throughout the college football season to be named the Capital One National Mascot of the Year at the Capital One Bowl on Jan. 1, winning $15,000 for their university mascot scholarship program – it will serve as a reminder of 1988, when mustache penetration in America was at an all-time low (ironically also about 12 percent).

But we will indeed encourage voting each week, supporting the candidacies of Idaho’s Mr. Vandal and UTEP’s Mr. Pete, as well as encouraging write-ins for the likes of New Mexico State’s Pistol Pete, Virginia’s Cavalier, Wyoming’s Cowboy Joe, and of course, Three Rivers Community College’s Rocky Raider.

Can a Mustached American win the Capital One National Mascot of the Year? I can only dream.

Gillette’s Summer Job Duo Query Mustached Americans

September 7th, 2010

For the 12 consistent readers of this blog, you’ve seen the American Mustache Institute’s review of the Gillette ProGlide razor, and part of the marketing for that product, which came out this past June, was it’s Ultimate Summer Job campaign.

As part of Summer Job, contest winners Jason Zone Fisher (men should not have three names) and Adam Ward traveled the country this summer, stopping in more than 20 cities in hopes of turning skeptics into believers and shaving into gliding with the new Gillette Fusion ProGlide razor.

Along the way, of course, they encountered hundreds of Mustached Americans with lip cabanas in all shapes and sizes, included talentless freakshow David Arquette.

Here’s a look at some of the fine Mustached Americans they met.

Riva Starr Features Mustached Child in Key Role

August 26th, 2010

We’re not sure who or what Riva Starr is. We think he might be a London-based DJ and music producer, but who’s to say.

Either way, according to his label, Positiva Records,he has a “club smash” called ‘I Was Drunk’ which is available for purchase on iTunes. The title track is featured in this video, which you will have trouble turning off….for some reason.

Dusting Off an ABC News Mustache Gem

August 13th, 2010

Dusted off this ABC News chestnut from 2006, which features American Mustache Institute chairman emeritus Jay Della Valle, which reminded us about our successful efforts to reintroduce the lip sweater into the American consciousness.

Portland Doctor Fights Cancer With His Mustache

August 12th, 2010

After both of his parents were diagnosed with cancer, Dr. Lou Jacobs decided to fight cancer with his mustache.

The Portland, Maine-based chiropractic acupuncturist’s mother had passed away in May 2010 after battling inflammatory breast cancer and his father is scheduled for a bone marrow transplant for leukemia on August 25.

So Dr. Lou is working to raise upwards of $10,000 for cancer research and education by January 1, 2011, for which he will shave off his luxurious lip sweater — if the voters want him to do so.

With each donation, Dr. Lou will take votes — save or shave.

Dr. Jacobs has partnered with Roger Inhorn, M.D., Ph.D., medical director of oncology and hematology at Mercy Hospital in Portland, who will help fundraise and the two are working to secure a monthly spot on local news to discuss cancer detection, prevention and treatment.

For more information, contact Dr. Lou Jacobs in his office at (207) 774-6251, mobile at (207) 807-1119, or email drj@drloujacobs.com.

Jose Cuervo Challenges Mexicans to Up Mustache Factor

August 5th, 2010

While 100 percent agave tequila brand Corazon Tequila is currently the official tequila of the Mustached American people, Jose Cuervo is making a run at the title.

Cuervo is challenging Mexicans to grow large, fruitful mustaches that are full of rich flavor in honor of their country’s bicentennial next month, which is admirable to say the least.

Contestants upload pictures of themselves and their Labia Sebuculas (Latin for “lip sweater”) to Jose Cuervo’s bigotes.mx site. Bigote is Spanish for mustache, and the site has even invented a Spanish word bigotizar to describe the act of mustache growing. For those who suffer from Bare Upper Lip Disorder (BULD) and cannot raise a mustache, Cuervo encourages fake lower nose gardens.

Regardless, the American Mustache Institute approves.

South Florida Chapter Presents 2nd Annual AMI Scholarship

August 5th, 2010

The American Mustache Institute South Florida Chapter has awarded its 2nd annual American Mustache Institute Scholarship to Curtis Berger, a senior at Jensen Beach High School in Jensen Beach, Fla.

The annual scholarship, created by AMI South Florida Bureau Chief & President Hans Heinz, is given each year to a deserving senior who can grow a thick and luxurious lip cabana, and vows to uphold all things that are, as the Dutch say, “mustachey.”

The scholarship contest is open to men and women who will graduate in the calendar year, and judged by AMI’s Heinz and a blue ribbon panel of Mustached American culture experts.

The winner of the honor is given a certificate of achievement, a photograph with AMI’s Heinz, a copy of Hall & Oates’ Greatest Hits,  and of course, the scholarship totaling $5 which can be used toward tuition, room and board, books, or to purchase films featuring midgets.

“Never has there been a more deserving recipient of this award,” said Heinz, who’s panel chose the winner among a field of twenty seniors this year.  “The scholarship keeps gaining speed and popularity and I hope to see this thing go national in the future.”

Berger, as expected, was humbled by the experience and honor.

“It is really icing on the cake,” he said. “I had already received a full ride to Tusculum University on a soccer scholarship, which was due partially to me growing a mustache for my junior and senior years.  The stache greatly enhanced my athleticism and my overall manliness.  Besides that, it got me lot’s of chicks.”

When asked what he planned to do with his scholarship money, Berger added, “I plan to use the money to get myself a Double Down from KFC!”

Well played Curtis… well played.

Carry on.

AMI Calls for Protest of Inoko Japanese Steakhouse In Athens, Georgia

August 4th, 2010

Tyler Dewitt is like any other American young man. He is a 21-year-old history and finance major at the University of Georgia, working his way through school as a waiter at the Inoko Japanese Steakhouse in Athens, Georgia; as well as being a robust ping pong player with a penchant for Hardee’s Monster Thickburgers and disabled horses.

Most important, however, Mr. Dewitt is a proud, unflinching Mustached American, and it is because of that heritage that his employers at Inoko have chosen to discriminate against him and his heritage.

“For the past few months, Tyler has been working at Inoko while cultivating a handlebar mustache,” said his Senior Mustache Advocate, Stephen Hancock. “Until recently the two have coexisted peacefully. Now management has decided they want him to get rid of his mustache.”

According to Mssrs. Dewitt and Hancock, an incident recently occurred involving a hair in a salad, which was then used as leverage to demand Mr. Dewitt shave his mustache. He was told that if he did not comply, he would be terminated.

Clearly, internment camps for Japanese Americans following the Pearl Harbor attack has done nothing to teach the owners of Inoko about the terrors of discrimination.

Mr. Dewitt works his next shift is Saturday, August 7, and intends to arrive and work with his mustache held high.  The American Mustache Institute asks that you support Mr. Dewitt by joining him at the restaurant with signs protesting these discriminatory practices, as well as visiting Inoko’s Facebook page and leaving comments voicing your displeasure.

You can also reach Mr. Dewitt at (404) 717-3041

Carry on.

‘Stache Scale Analysis: Hardee’s Chicken Tenders

July 28th, 2010

As part of the American Mustache Institute’s ‘Stache Scale Analysis series — which as you may recall is part of AMI’s effort to sample products developed for people of Mustached American hertiage — Dr. Aaron Perlut recently stopped by a Hardee’s location in downtown St. Louis to analyze the restaurant chain’s new hand breaded chicken tenders.

One of the top choices for Mustached American mammals when seeking out casual dining establishments, Hardee’s has traditionally provided a variety of thick, meaty, and delicious fare fit for the voracious appetite of the lip sweater community, and the new offering did not disappoint Dr. Perlut.

House of Blues Chicago to Savor Flavor As Part of I AM Fest

July 27th, 2010

The official sexiness correspondents of the American Mustache Institute — musical group The Flavor Savers — are set to play a special show at the House of Blues in Chicago on August 28th and all Mustached Americans and their ladies are requested to flock to see them.

The Flavor Savors will hit the House of Blues stage as part of the epic “I AM Fest,” Chicago’s largest independent art and music festival, at roughly 7pm on Aug. 28.

Advanced tickets can be purchased online for the Fest, which runs from 3 pm to 11 pm, for about $25, but contact the Flavor Savers here as the band is selling up to 150 tickets for $17.